


Exes Baggage

by loveseek630



Series: Exes Baggage [2]
Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2019-09-02 04:59:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 37,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16780072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveseek630/pseuds/loveseek630
Summary: To all the boys Hakyeon loved before.~~~~~Aka After disappearing for a year, Hakyeon was now back in Seoul, reconnecting with his old friends... And maybe... Just maybe, he'd reconnect with someone he used to love as well.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You might have to read [this textfic](https://twitter.com/NchantingU/status/1054614976390815744?s=19) to get a grasp of this fic's history.  
> The Hakyeon side chapter is posted as the first part of the series too.

Jaehwan chose a small restaurant near his company. They didn’t get an exclusive room but the place was cozy and private enough for them. He and Taekwoon weren’t anywhere near being big stars yet, but they were starting to make a name for themselves as musical actors, and his company had been releasing teasers for his idol debut already.

The dinner was way better than what Hakyeon expected. Jaehwan immediately jumped on him, squealing in a high pitched voice that Hakyeon almost forgot he had. He felt a little choked, but it was the warmest welcome he could have asked for. Sanghyuk was more well-composed and a little reserved, but he hugged Hakyeon tight before proceeding to his own seat next to Taekwoon.

Taekwoon acted grumpy at first and he glared at Hakyeon from time to time. It didn’t take long before he was clinging on to Hakyeon again, an arm thrown around the backrest of Hakyeon’s seat and occasionally brushing or hitting Hakyeon’s back as he joked around. At the opposite side of the table, Hongbin just sat quietly, acting all warm and friendly. He took it upon himself to change the topic whenever he saw the awkward expressions on Hakyeon’s face - and for that, Hakyeon felt like someone definitely had his back.

Wonshik was a little difficult to get through. He just gave Hakyeon a light pat on the shoulder when he arrived, said a single hello, and then proceeded to sit beside Jaehwan. It was strange, Hakyeon thought. He expected Taekwoon’s anger but not Wonshik’s. Given that the latter always complained about his excessive show of affection, Hakyeon didn’t think his disappearance would matter much to Wonshik.

“He’s not mad at you,” Hongbin said when he noticed Hakyeon’s gaze following Wonshik who had excused himself to go to the restroom. “He just doesn’t know how to talk to you again.”

Hakyeon put up a smile. He knew exactly what Hongbin meant because that was also how he felt those numerous times he scrolled through his contact list at night, wondering if he should try to call anyone. He couldn’t bring himself to do it because he didn’t know what to say.

“Hyung,” Jaehwan called from the other end of the table. “Remember that time things got awkward between Wonshik and I? You told me to just keep hanging around him even if it annoyed him. I’m saying it back to you now. It works on him. That’s the type of guy he is. He’ll get comfortable with you again soon enough.”

“Yeah,” Hakyeon chuckled as he remembered. “Was that the beginning for both of you? How you started dating?”

“Hmmmm,” Jaehwan hummed. “Maybe. But nothing really happened until Hongbin told me Wonshik was dropping out of college and I stormed into his studio in an attempt to convince him otherwise.”

“Why does that sound familiar?” Hakyeon’s eyes narrowed as he glanced at Hongbin, remembering how he did the same when Hongbin stopped attending his classes some years ago. But then he felt a little awkward so he directed his gaze back to Jaehwan almost immediately.

“Best friends could get freakishly similar, don’t they?” Jaehwan chirped. “Anyway, I found him drowning himself in self-composed songs. I didn’t succeed in changing his mind but I accidentally played a song he wrote for me and… Well, it was hot.” He laughed smugly, a hint of mischief on his eyes.

Hakyeon cringed a little at the thought. He very much supported their relationship but Jaehwan could be a little too detailed when he’s sharing his stories and Hakyeon really didn’t need to hear it.

“Omygod, please stop,” Wonshik returned from the restroom in time to stop Jaehwan from describing how exactly they got together.

Jaehwan smirked. “You know, you should let them hear that song some time.”

“God, no.” Hongbin interjected. “ I heard a part of it once. It’s a good song, but if you listen to it when you know it’s for Jaehwan-hyung… it gets… weird. I can’t listen to it the same way again.”

“Please,” Hakyeon added. “I’m still haunted by mental images of Jaehwan and Taekwoon kissing. I don’t need another one.”

“Yah!” Taekwoon suddenly yelled at him. “How did you even know that?!”

“I…” It was a slip of the tongue, and Hakyeon didn’t really think of what he was saying until he heard Sanghyuk choke on his drink and Taekwoon gaped at him in surprise. “I’m sorry. I thought everyone knew.” It was the reason why Wonshik and Jaehwan got awkward in the first place. Hakyeon was under the impression it was okay to mention because it was Jaehwan who brought it up first.

“I… didn’t know that,” Hongbin said, watching cautiously and getting ready to mediate should a fight start.

“Of course you don’t!” Taekwoon snapped at him. “No one was supposed to know!” He turned to look at Sanghyuk, who was still busy wiping his mouth after choking on his iced tea.

“Aaah, sorry,” Jaehwan pouted, trying to pull the cutest face he could get away with. “It was my fault, I told Hakyeon-hyung before.”

“What the-”

“Well, it was not exactly a secret. Wonshik and Sanghyuk saw us!”

“You saw us?!”

Sanghyuk just gave a slight nod before resuming to sip his iced tea, pointedly avoiding Taekwoon’s eyes.

The horror all over on Taekwoon’s face made Hakyeon think maybe he shouldn’t have come back. It hadn’t been a day since he met with his friends again and he was already stirring up trouble.

“Why didn’t any of you tell me?” Taekwoon whined, his face suddenly beet red.

“I feel like I should be the one saying that,” Hongbin tried to pass it as a joke. “Then again, I’m not sure I would have wanted to know that.”

Taekwoon was too mortified that he just buried his face onto his arms and slouched against the table.

“Hyung,” Jaehwan laughed. “It’s been more than a year!”

Hakyeon sighed and started gently patting Taekwoon’s back. He leaned down and talked into his friend’s ear, not quite whispering but very softly, like he was talking to a delicate child. “It’s okay, Taekwoonnie. You were going through a hard time back then. We didn’t want you to feel more embarrassed if you knew someone saw you and Jaehwan.”

Taekwoon lifted his head from the table and buried himself onto Hakyeon’s shoulder instead. “It’s still embarrassing now!” His arms automatically wrapped around Hakyeon’s waist as he continued to whine.

Hakyeon felt the others were staring at them intently, but his attention was caught by the way Sanghyuk frowned at them.

“You’re overreacting again. You’re truly living up to being an actor, aren’t you?”

Hakyeon understood Taekwoon’s embarrassment, but he couldn’t wrap his head around the hint of annoyance and the faint blush on Sanghyuk’s face as he rolled his eyes.

Sanghyuk had always been frank and sometimes a little too tactless, but he was also a kind and gentle kid. Hakyeon found it strange that Sanghyuk seemed quite crude towards Taekwoon, even in their group chat. He racked his brain and tried to recall just how close Taekwoon and Sanghyuk were before he left. As far as he could remember, Taekwoon only ever had a little crush on Sanghyuk for some time, but they didn’t really have much interaction with each other. Hongbin and Jaehwan did tell him that the two had recently been bantering often, and it was a reality check for Hakyeon that their group dynamics must have changed a lot while he was gone.

If he didn’t know Sanghyuk was straight, he would have thought that dark look on his precious Hyukkie’s eyes was jealousy.

“Look, Wonshik used to have a crush on you and he isn’t even bothered by it anymore,” Sanghyuk went on, grabbing Taekwoon’s arm and peeling him off of Hakyeon.

Jaehwan had this smug expression on his face, and now it made sense to Hakyeon why Jaehwan said their two friends were in a constant state of sexual tension.

Wonshik, on the other hand, cried out and quickly picked up a bean to throw towards Sanghyuk’s face. “YAH! I never had a crush on him!”

“It’s okay, Shikkie,” Jaehwan teased. “Even I knew that.”

Wonshik sighed. “I said I didn’t! The sight of you guys kissing just bothered me for a while but truthfully, I could remember you more clearly, so I started noticing you more after that.”

“Oooh,” Jaehwan whistled. “Was that your inspiration for the song you wrote? Did you imagine I was kissing you instead?”

Wonshik blushed and yelled at Jaehwan to stop talking about his song. Meanwhile, Sanghyuk was still nagging on Taekwoon who shrunk low on his seat, muttering things about not wanting to see daylight anymore.

A fond smile spread across Hakyeon’s face as he watched the scene. He thought it was very chaotic, but it was the kind of chaos that he missed. His friends were fun and loud and sometimes annoying, but he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

“They missed you too,” Hongbin was smiling at him across the table.

Hakyeon could only nod. He resumed eating happily while letting more chaos unfold before him.

By the end of the night, Hakyeon just felt… Home. He lost his way, but now he was back. And he had no plans of leaving again.

  


**-=o0o=-**

  


“Hyung, Wonshik can drop you off at your apartment.” Jaehwan had an arm around Wonshik’s shoulder, visibly pushing him towards Hakyeon.

“It’s fine,” Hakyeon replied, noting the obvious panic on Wonshik’s face. “I can take the subway. My place is less than five minutes walk from the station.”

“Why bother with the subway when you’re going the same way?” The smile on Jaehwan’s face was still his signature cutesy act, but somehow, Hakyeon felt like it was a little imposing. His little Jaehwannie seemed to have learned how to make people oblige to his whims. “Whether Wonshik goes home or goes to his studio, he’s bound to pass by your apartment.”

“What about you?” Wonshik asked with a straight face. “I thought you wanted me to drop you off so I brought my car.”

“I just got a text from my manager. I need to drop by the company for a bit.”

“We could wait for you,” Hakyeon insisted.

“I don’t know how long I’ll take and my house is the opposite direction anyway.”

“Just go,” Hongbin suddenly whispered as he gave Hakyeon a light pat on the back. “No use arguing with Jaehwan-hyung when he’s set on letting you go with Wonshik.”

“Okay. Anyone else who wants to carpool?” Wonshik offered, but Taekwoon had his own car and would drop Hyuk at his university dorm. Hongbin was going the opposite way. In the end, Hakyeon and Wonshik were left at the parking lot.

“Wonshik, you don’t have to-”

“Just get in,” Wonshik said awkwardly as he pressed his car key to unlock the doors.

Hakyeon obliged, but a few silent minutes into the road, he turned to Wonshik again. “You can drop me off at the subway station.”

“Are you that uncomfortable riding with me?” Wonshik asked without even glancing at him.

“I’m uncomfortable that you’re uncomfortable with me.”

Wonshik sighed. “Jaehwan would get mad if he found out-”

“I won’t tell him. He wouldn’t know.”

“It’s not that,” Wonshik talked sternly, almost sounding a little angry.

“Sorry,” Hakyeon muttered. He settled back low on to his seat, almost like the way Taekwoon does when he wants to disappear out of embarrassment. The silence stretched for another few minutes, until Hakyeon sighed again and looked at Wonshik.

“Can I ask you something?”

Wonshik glanced at him briefly before looking back at the road. “Since when did you ask permission to ask questions? You didn’t care before whether we wanted to answer or not. You just kept asking anyway.”

Hakyeon pursed his lips and hummed. He wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad response, but he decided to ask anyway. “You dropped out of college?”

Wonshik chuckled. It was the first time that night that Hakyeon heard the laugh directed at him.

“I’m surprised you’re only asking that now. Would have thought you’d start nagging as soon as you heard the news.”

Hakyeon bit his lip. “I didn’t think I had the right to nag or even ask after I dropped out of your life.”

Wonshik momentarily froze upon hearing Hakyeon’s words. The Hakyeon he knew before wouldn’t have cared - he would have nagged Wonshik regardless, and probably would even try to convince him to finish his studies.

“I was angry.”

“Wonshik…”

“But after a while, I think I understood why you needed some time to yourself. During that time, I just knew I wanted to write songs. Attending classes seemed so unimportant and I felt like I was just going along with what everyone else was doing without really caring where it would bring me. So my brain just kinda shut down and I did the only thing I knew I wanted to do.”

Hakyeon kept his eyes on his side of the road. He couldn’t bear to look at Wonshik. Not when they were talking about this. “I envy you, you know?”

Wonshik just sighed, letting Hakyeon continue speaking.

“I worked hard through college and graduated because I thought that was what we all had to do. I thought I would feel accomplished once I successfully finished my studies. If you dropped out while I was still attending the university, I probably would have forcibly dragged you back like I did with Hongbin.”

A soft chuckle escaped Wonshik’s lips. “Exactly what I was thinking.” If Hakyeon did not disappear, Wonshik probably wouldn’t have been able to drop out. It wasn’t that he blamed Hakyeon. It was his own decision and he never once regretted it. Still, he often wondered what would have happened if it was Hakyeon and not Jaehwan who stormed into his studio to convince him.

“But it would have been wrong for me to force you to keep studying when you obviously could succeed without graduating. You’re way better than me.”

Wonshik looked at him. His hands were stable on the steering wheel, but his eyes were trained on Hakyeon for some moment, before glancing back at the road to ensure there was nothing in front of them. “I’m not,” he said as he looked at Hakyeon again.

“Of course you are,” Hakyeon smiled both proud and envious. “At least you knew what you wanted to do. If I meddled with your life back then, it would have come to bite me back right in the face. You had something, Wonshik. And you’re doing great. You have written great songs and you’ve been earning more than I ever had from the time I graduated.”

“Hyung, I’m pretty sure you could have earned -”

“I couldn’t do anything because I didn’t even know what I wanted to do until I met Jinki.”

Wonshik suddenly stepped on the break, luckily right on time for the light to go red. “You don’t happen to mean Lee Jinki, don’t you?” He turned to face Hakyeon, who just realized his slip.

“I…”

“Hyung?!”

It should have been obvious. Wonshik had enough connections and talent to be able to sell his songs from rookies to the most popular groups.

Hakyeon never really checked out idol groups, much less the writers/composers of whatever song he liked, but knowing that Wonshik had been a successful writer for some time now, he should have known he had at least crossed paths with Jinki.

“You were the guy he met in Changwon?!”

“Are… you friends with Jinki?”

“Not really friends… but--”

“Hey, light’s turned green.” Hakyeon tapped Wonshik and urged him to continue driving, hoping the conversation would be cut for good, but Wonshik wouldn’t let it go that easily.

“It’s really Lee Jinki?! Like the idol Jinki?”

Hakyeon sighed. He didn’t really want to talk about this, especially not with Wonshik.

“Hyung,” Wonshik pulled over to the side of the road, surprising Hakyeon, who thought he was actually being dropped by the subway station nearby. But Wonshik was staring intently at him. “Look, I don’t know much about Lee Jinki, other than he’s cute and clumsy, but you’re walking on thin ice here. He’s really popular. If you get caught -”

“You’re reacting like Jaehwan isn’t about to become an idol. You don’t seem to have any worries dating him.”

“That’s different. We’ve known each other for a long time and we could easily pass as friends hanging out or as composer and artist working together. And whatever happens, I’m ready to support him, even if I have to hide our relationship. You, on the other hand… No offense, but you were just some guy he met recently. If his fans find out and start hunting you down, what would you do? Would he stand by your side and protect you?”

“I knew what I was getting into.” It was starting annoy Hakyeon, no matter how much he understood Wonshik’s intentions. “We’re not really dating anyway.”

“That just makes it more complicated, don’t you think? His group members knows about you. I overheard them teasing him one time when they were recording at the studio. God, I should have known it was you.”

Hakyeon threw him a sharp look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Changwon, dance teacher, nice ass. That’s what I heard.”

Hakyeon wasn’t sure how to feel knowing that people were talking about his ass like that - or that Wonshik felt like he should have been able to tell just by that.

Wonshik looked at him worriedly. “If you’re not really dating then what are you exactly?”

Hakyeon awkwardly shifted on his seat.

“You’re sleeping with him?”

“...”

“Do you like him?” Wonshik noticed Hakyeon was trying hard not to roll his eyes, but he kept asking anyway. “No, hyung, do you love him?”

At that, Hakyeon froze. He never really thought about it, no. It hasn’t been that long since they met.

“N-no… It’s not like that at all.”

“You don’t sound so sure,” Wonshik pointed out. He sighed and then leaned back on the driver’s seat, scratching his temple in a mix of worry and frustration.

“We just met some time ago. We’re just hooking up. That’s all.” Hakyeon re-affirmed, though he wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince himself as well.

“But he was enough reason for you to come back to Seoul?”

“It wasn’t him per se.” It was the only thing he was sure about. He didn’t come back because of Jinki. “It was watching him perform. I realized some things that I might have wanted to do while I watched them on stage. I’m here for myself. Not for anyone else. Although he did help encourage me about some other things.” Hakyeon looked away, feeling a little guilty to admit that he needed Jinki’s support to face his friends again.

Wonshik hummed. He wasn’t fully convinced but he also knew Hakyeon was not the type to make his life decisions revolve around someone else. He restarted the engine and resumed driving to Hakyeon’s apartment. They kept the silence for a while. Just when Hakyeon thought he was off the hook, Wonshik started asking again. “So why Jinki, of all people?”

“What?” Hakyeon had almost forgotten how Wonshik could get so insistent when he wanted to know everything. He was half-glad that Wonshik was talking to him again but he also felt uncomfortable with the topic. “We just met and he approached me. It’s not like I chose him specifically.”

“But you could have refused?”

“Why would I? He’s cute and he seemed nice.” Hakyeon was growing really annoyed. He wished Hongbin was around to help him change the topic again.

“Uhhh… Because he looks like your ex?”

The confusion on Hakyeon’s face told Wonshik he probably didn’t even realize, which just made him sigh deeper. “When did you break up with Wongeun?”

Hakyeon felt his heart drop to his stomach. He hadn’t been thinking of Wongeun for some time, but now that Wonshik pointed it out, Jinki and Wongeun did look a lot like each other. He didn’t want to think of it that way, but a part of him was probably unconsciously attracted to Jinki because of that.

Hakyeon suddenly found himself wondering. He and Wongeun broke up only because they got too busy with their lives and they grew as far apart as the physical distance between them. If they were to meet again in Seoul, would they feel the same way about each other?

“Hyung?”

“Can we not talk about these things right now?” Hakyeon looked at him earnestly. “I know we have a lot of catching up to do, but I just… don’t want to talk about it, at least for the meantime.”

“It’s not that,” Wonshik gave him a small smile. “We’re here.”

Hakyeon didn’t even realize they’ve pulled over in front of his apartment building. Was he really that out of his mind?

“Oh,” he forced out a slight chuckle. “Thanks, Wonshik.”

“Hey, one last thing,” Wonshik grabbed his hand. “Don’t tell Hongbin about Jinki.”

Hakyeon tilted his head to the side as he stared back at Wonshik. “Not that I had any plans to but why?”

“His job,” Wonshik answered. “He works in a news outlet. Of course he would never sell you out, but if anything happens, it would be better if he didn’t know so he wouldn’t have to lie to his boss just to protect you.”

Hakyeon couldn’t help but smile, his vision turning a little glassy as he teared up a little. Wonshik may still be a little insensitive but he has grown up a lot, too. Hakyeon couldn’t be any more proud. “I’d keep that in mind. Thank you, Wonshik.”

-=o0o=-

It weighed heavily on Hakyeon’s mind that night. He really didn’t want to complicate things with Jinki, but Wonshik had a valid point. He never thought his relationship with Jinki would ever go past just sleeping with each other, but now that he thought about it, they had basically become friends. Jinki still wasn’t asking questions about his past, but he was asking a lot about his present. And Hakyeon often found himself talking to him about his day. Jinki was definitely precious to him, but love? Hakyeon wasn’t ready to fall in love again just yet.

As if life was mocking him, Jinki just had to call him right when he was lying on his bed thinking about their relationship.

Hakyeon sighed as he picked up the call. He didn’t speak immediately though. Instead, he just waited silently as he heard Jinki bidding good night to someone, probably one of his members or family - Hakyeon didn’t know if the group still lived together in a dorm like most idols do. F*ck, Hakyeon didn’t really know anything about Jinki.

“Hey!” Jinki greeted cheerfully, in contrast to Hakyeon replying with the same word in a quiet voice. “Did the dinner not go well? You sound pretty sad.”

Sad? Was he?

“No, it was great. I really missed them,” Hakyeon tried sounding as happy as he could, but he naturally found himself chuckling as he started telling Jinki about the dinner with his friends. It was easy to talk to him, Hakyeon thought. Despite his worries about their relationship status, Jinki just somehow made him feel like they’ve been friends for a long time already.

“Oh, you’re friends with Kim Wonshik?”

“Yeah,” Hakyeon smiled. “I heard you’ve worked with him recently.” He absentmindedly reached for the remote control and switched on the TV. He was going to put on some music channel, but then he saw Jinki’s face on the screen, so he paused and just smiled as he stared at his face.

“Wow. Small world,” Jinki chuckled.

Hakyeon was just about to reply and say he was watching some show with him in it, but he froze when the camera panned to the side and showed a familiar face. For someone who always kept his exes as close friends, Hakyeon felt strangely uncomfortable as he stared at Wongeun’s face again after a really long time of not seeing him. Moreover, said ex was on the same show as Jinki, comparing their looks and how much they resemble each other.

“Yeah,” Hakyeon barely managed to say. “Small world.”

It wasn’t like he hasn’t moved on. It was just that a sudden rush of old memories came to him and he felt awkward that he was speaking with Jinki at the moment.

“Would you be free tomorrow?”

“Huh?” Hakyeon snapped back to himself. He hesitated for a moment, wondering if it would be right to meet Jinki when his emotions were a mess. Then again, if they really were nothing but friends with benefits, there shouldn’t be any issue.

“Yeah. Same place?”

Jinki hummed happily. “I’ll see you then.”

“See you,” Hakyeon replied. He lay back on his bed after dropping the call and turned his head towards the TV. The show that was previously on had ended, but he just kept staring blankly on the screen.

If Jinki was there, he probably would have received another flick on the forehead for overthinking. He sighed and just forced himself to smile. Thinking too much never really helped him. He should probably work on gaining back the optimism he used to have. His friends have noted the obvious change in his demeanor and he knew he had been too sulky and mellow the past year. Now that he decided to get back on track, he wanted to enjoy his life as much as he could. His little fling with Jinki probably would not last that long, but he at least did not want to be the one to push people away again.

-=o0o=-

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One thing that hasn't changed about Hakyeon is how he would always be ready to be there for his friends.
> 
> Hongbin finds himself in need of Hakyeon's support this time. And still, Hakyeon keeps owing him more and more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have entered angstyville and now there's no turning back.

“I’m on my way.”

Hakyeon was standing by the sidewalk, waiting for the pedestrian light to go green. He was speaking on the phone with Jinki, who called just to check on where he was and what time they would be meeting at their usual secret place.

It had been two weeks since his dinner with his friends and he pushed Wonshik’s words to the back of his head but occasionally, it would pop up to him and he would find himself wondering if it was all worth the risk. He... had gotten used to it, speaking to Jinki in public without ever mentioning his name. Sometimes, there was a thrill to it. Other times, it made him paranoid, wondering if he would ever slip and get caught.

The light turned green just as Jinki began to excitedly chatter with him. Hakyeon smiled and tried to push back his worries again. It was hard not to indulge when Jinki was being such a sweetheart. He was, however, distracted when he saw a familiar face at the pedestrian crossing. He raised a hand to wave hello, but Hongbin was looking right past him, walking briskly towards the direction Hakyeon came from.

He could have brushed it off. Hongbin may not have seen him in the crowd of people, but Hakyeon had a bad feeling about it. There was darkness looming in Hongbin’s eyes, his lips pursed thin and his shoulders tensed. He walked past Hakyeon without even sparing him a glance, and Hakyeon couldn’t help but turn his head to see where he was going.

“Hey,” Hakyeon hastily interrupted Jinki’s chatter. “Sorry, I’m gonna drop by somewhere so I might be a little late.” He barely waited for Jinki’s response before fully turning on his heel to run after Hongbin.

He wished he was seeing things wrong, but from where he stood, he could see Hongbin’s gaze was fixed on a guy whom he seemed to be following. When the man entered a restaurant, Hongbin stopped outside and simply looked in through the glass walls. Hakyeon didn’t fail to notice the way he clenched his fists.

Finally reaching the same restaurant and standing about two steps away from Hongbin, Hakyeon looked inside and saw the man sitting on a table with a woman. He was holding her hand over the table as they ordered food. Hakyeon turned to face Hongbin, who now had tears pooling at the corners of his eyes.

“Hongbin…”

Hongbin turned to look at him for a split second, but then did a 180 and looked away from Hakyeon, refusing to show his face.

“Hyung, I didn’t realize you were there.”

“I saw you at the pedestrian and followed you here.”

“Ah, Why would you follow me? Did you need anything?” Hongbin took a deep breath before facing Hakyeon again with a forced smile on his face. His eyes were still brimming with tears but he refused to let them fall.

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“I… No, not anymore. Starting today.”

“Did he cheat on you?”

“Sorry, hyung. I’d rather not talk about it.”

Before Hongbin could say another word, Hakyeon walked towards the door of the restaurant, looking as if he was ready to kill. Instinctively, Hongbin ran and grabbed his arm, pulling him away.

“Hyung, calm down,” Hongbin begged, but the expression on Hakyeon’s face didn’t soften. He wanted to walk up to whoever that man was and shred him into pieces for hurting Hongbin.

“I could kill him now if you tell me to.”

“Don’t do anything, please.” Hongbin’s eyes were full of unshed tears and Hakyeon wondered if he could still even see, but the grip on his hand was firm. “Promise me you won’t do anything.”

Hakyeon took a deep breath to calm himself down. “What are you going to do then?”

“I’ll just go home for now.”

“And?”

“I don’t know, hyung. I just want to go home. Please. Just go your way too. I’ll be fine.”

Hakyeon felt helpless, watching Hongbin let go of his arm and walk away just like that. He wanted so badly to confront the man, but he knew Hongbin didn’t want him to. He didn’t have the right to meddle with their relationship, no matter how protective he was of his friends. He barely knew anything about them in the first place and he had no idea what led them to this situation.

He sighed again, and then suddenly decided to run after Hongbin. Hakyeon held his arm loosely, not quite clinging, but simply to touch and comfort.

“I just want to make sure you get home safely,” Hakyeon said.

“I’m fine, hyung. I’m not a child.” Hongbin tried to pull his arm away, but this time, Hakyeon tightened his hold.

“I know, Binnie,” he answered. “I know.”

Hongbin sighed. One thing that hasn’t changed about Hakyeon was that if he held onto you, you won’t be able to push him away unless he decided to let go. “Just until I get home, okay?”

Hakyeon nodded. He resisted the urge to ask questions even though he was itching to know things. Even if Hongbin had been the most supportive and welcoming after his disappearance, Hakyeon knew he wasn’t in the best position to pry into Hongbin’s business. They were good friends but unlike with Taekwoon, his friendship with Hongbin was never the same after they broke up.

They took the subway back to Hongbin’s apartment, with Hakyeon only letting go of Hongbin’s hand whenever necessary. He didn’t mind if some people were looking at them. Hongbin seemed too spaced out to mind either. The tears were gone from his eyes and his expression had gone back to neutral, but he was mostly spaced out. A few times, he walked into the wrong direction and Hakyeon, not really knowing where Hongbin’s address was, started to ask once in a while if they were going the right way.

It wasn’t the first time he saw Hongbin that way. Like he was physically all right, his face blank and void of pain, his body functioning like it was programmed to keep moving, but his mind was elsewhere, his heart probably crushed. He broke up with Hakyeon over the phone and the first few times they met after that, he barely had any emotion on his face. He hated showing his pain, to the point that Hakyeon once wondered if he was even hurt by their breakup.

Hakyeon wasn’t sure if Hongbin was still even aware of his presence by the time they reached his apartment. He simply opened the door and entered, not really bothering to look at Hakyeon nor say goodbye. So Hakyeon did what he would normally do - invite himself in and see what else he could do to help. He looked around the kitchen and took a glass of water.

Hongbin just went straight to the couch and plopped himself face first against the cushions. He didn’t move until he felt a tap on his leg and heard Hakyeon’s voice, offering him a drink.

“I thought you’d just take me home?” Hongbin grunted in annoyance, although he did take the glass from Hakyeon’s hand and drank a little.

“Yeah, I’m gonna leave soon… Just… I know you said you don’t want to talk, but...” Hakyeon bit his lip. “Do you want me to call Wonshik?”

“No!” Hongbin almost yelled at him. “God, no! Wonshik never liked that bastard. I can already hear his ‘I told you so’ lecture. I don’t wanna deal with him right now.”

“That guy… He doesn’t deserve you,” Hakyeon said. He contemplated holding Hongbin’s hand again, but seeing as the later was still holding the glass of water, he just sat still next to Hongbin.

“Don’t patronize me.” Hongbin put down the glass on his living room table. “I appreciate it, but I’m okay, hyung. It’s gonna be weird to talk to you about this, you know?”

Understandable. They were ex-boyfriends after all. Still, Hakyeon didn’t want to just leave.

“What about Taekwoon?”

“He’s probably busy. Seriously, hyung. Stop it. I’ll go call Sanghyuk when I feel like talking to someone. I change the topic whenever I think you’re uncomfortable. Can’t you do the same for me?”

“Oh.. Okay…” Hakyeon was about to stand and leave, but when he glanced at Hongbin, he saw the tears threatening to roll down his cheeks again. He settled back on the couch. “Can I at least hug you? I’m anxious about meeting with this person today. Do me a favor and let me calm my nerves.”

It wasn’t a complete lie. A part of Hakyeon was still anxious about whatever it was he had with Jinki, but they both knew it was just an excuse. Hongbin rolled his eyes, barely managing to stop his tears from falling. He didn’t move though, so Hakyeon took it as a permission and leaned closer to hold Hongbin. He placed a hand around Hongbin’s waist and another on his shoulder. To his surprise, not only was there no resistance, but Hongbin also leaned towards him, ducking his head under Hakyeon’s chin. Few more seconds later, he even slipped his arms around Hakyeon’s waist, too.

“I’m not crying,” he said when Hakyeon felt a wet patch on his shirt. “It’s just sweat.”

“Hmmm,” Hakyeon hummed. “Yeah, seems like you still don’t want to invest on an aircon.” Despite asking for a hug as a favor, he started patting Hongbin’s back, gentle and soothing. Hongbin’s grip on his waist tightened a little, a few soft sobs escaping his mouth as he pressed his face closer against Hakyeon’s collarbone.

It was obvious that he tried to stop himself from crying and lifted himself away from Hakyeon a few times, only to realize his tears won’t stop coming so he had to duck again and try to hide his crying face.

“I’m sorry,” Hongbin sobbed. “You should probably go. Just… Don’t look at me please.”

“It’s okay,” Hakyeon whispered, still rubbing Hongbin’s back. “I’m not really keen on meeting this person today. I need a reason to cancel on him, you know?”

Another excuse, but it was enough to let Hongbin relax a little in his embrace. In the end, he fell asleep crying on Hakyeon’s chest. Hakyeon leaned back so he could let Hongbin rest comfortably against him. His chest was sticky from sweat and from Hongbin’s tears, but he didn’t mind.

_Sorry. Something came up._ He sent a text to Jinki as soon as he was able to pull out his phone from his pocket. It was on silent mode because of his classes, but Jinki called and texted him a couple of times.

Hakyeon wondered if it was enough for an explanation. If he were Jinki, he would probably be pissed off that it was all he got after hours of waiting. But then again, were they really in a status to need to fully explain themselves?

Apparently, Jinki thought so, because he called back upon receiving Hakyeon’s reply.

Hakyeon slipped off under Hongbin and tried to gently lay his head down on the couch before picking up the call. He walked towards the door, careful not to make any sound.

“What happened?”

“Uhhh…” Hakyeon answered in a whisper. “I saw a friend on my way there and… he was in a situation where I couldn’t leave him. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you whispering? Nevermind,” Jinki sighed. “I don’t really mind if you had an emergency,” Jinki answered, still sounding so calm. Hakyeon wasn’t sure if he was supposed to feel better or worse. “But you could have said so earlier.”

“Sorry. I couldn’t get my phone earlier.”

They were both silent for a moment. If not for the absence of the beeping busy tone, Hakyeon would’ve thought the call was over.

“So are you still coming?” Jinki finally broke the silence.

“Wait, you’re still there? It’s been three hours!” Hakyeon gasped.

“It’s not like I have anything else to do tonight. And I’ve already booked the room for the whole night anyway.”

“Omygod I’m so sorry.” Hakyeon felt guilty, but he couldn’t help feeling a little glad too. It was supposedly nothing but a casual affair, but the fact that Jinki was still waiting for him warmed his heart.

“I’m still here at my friend’s place,” he bit his lower lip. Hongbin wouldn’t mind, but Hakyeon was not the type to just leave like that. “Can you give me another 30 - no, 45 minutes?”

Three hours and forty-five minutes were probably too much to ask, Hakyeon knew that much. So he was delighted when Jinki happily answered okay.

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I really want to see you tonight.”

Hakyeon bit his lower lip again, this time in anticipation. He quickly said goodbye and then looked around Hongbin’s apartment once more. Since Hongbin didn’t have an AC, Hakyeon pulled up an electric fan close to the couch and made sure Hongbin had proper ventilation before going to grab a blanket and putting it over him. Next, he checked the fridge and cluck his tongue when he didn’t find any food. He rushed out to the nearby convenience store to buy some food - a cup of instant noodles, reheatable sandwiches and kimbap - probably not the best remedy for a broken heart but Hakyeon didn’t have time to cook anything. He just left the food on the counter and then wrote a note to Hongbin to make sure he eats after he wakes up.

And then he ran. Back to the subway station. Back to where he was supposed to meet with Jinki. He wanted to go home to change his shirt but he didn’t want to keep Jinki waiting longer. Thankfully, the patch from Hongbin’s tears had dried by the time he got off the train.

He managed to calm himself and fix his hair before going up the elevator, but deep down, he knew he was excited. Despite the alarm bells ringing in his head, Hakyeon couldn’t help himself. The more he tried to think of their situation and tried to tell himself it was all just a fling, the more he also felt like he was starting to have deeper feelings for Jinki. And if he wasn’t just getting carried away, he would say Jinki was growing more and more fond of him too.

He pulled Hakyeon into a kiss as soon as he entered their room. “I missed you,” he said.

“It’s only been three days since we last saw each other!”

“I know, and I missed you,” Jinki smiled.

Hakyeon was tempted to ask. Tempted to confess that maybe it was starting to be more than just a fling to him. But it scared him, what it would mean for both of them. So he kept his mouth shut. Tried to just enjoy the moment and maybe save the thinking for later.

  


Jinki usually didn’t stay the night. He would often just meet with Hakyeon and go because he would have early schedules the next day. It was the first time they cuddled together on the bed, just staring at each other.

“Do you still live in a dorm with your members?” Hakyeon started - not the question he really wanted to ask but he would get there, eventually… maybe.

“No, I moved out a month ago. Bought a house for my parents and then for myself.”

“Wow, living the life, aren’t you?”

“Not really,” Jinki said. “I like having my own space but it gets lonely. What’s the use of having my own house if I still have to secretly book hotel rooms just to see you?”

Hakyeon nervously chuckled. “I’d come visit you if you want to invite me.”

“I can’t,” Jinki sighed. “We’ve put in security and the neighborhood is mostly private but some fans still come by occasionally.”

“So…” Hakyeon’s throat was feeling a bit tight but since they were already talking about it, he might as well ask. “If that wasn’t a problem, would you have invited me over?”

The smile on Jinki’s lips slightly faded as he realized what Hakyeon was trying to say. He raised a hand and trailed a finger from Hakyeon’s hairline, down to his cheek and then to his chin. “You’re special, you know?”

Hakyeon pursed his lips, catching himself and resisting the urge to sigh. What he had with Jinki was special and he was happy, but he was starting to get greedy.

“I saw you on TV some time ago,” Hakyeon said.

“Hmmm? Which show?”

“Did you know I studied in the same university as Lee Wongeun?” Hakyeon didn’t know why he was bringing Wongeun up. He didn’t know why he was suddenly feeling aggressive either. He just knew he didn’t like whatever it was that he felt.

“Oh?” Jinki smiled at him. “Were you close friends?”

“We dated.”

Silence.

Jinki’s tiny slanted eyes went all round and big as he stared silently at Hakyeon, mouth hanging slightly open. The hand which was previously caressing Hakyeon’s face went limp, but then suddenly clenched into a fist as he sat up.

“I dated him for more than a year up until I was teaching at Changwon.” Hakyeon sat up as well.

“When we met at Changwon…”

“It was about six months after breaking up with him.”

Jinki covered his sigh with an awkward chuckle as he lay back down on the bed. “Aaahhh, this is why I don’t like asking about the past.”

“I wanted to tell you,” Hakyeon said. He placed a hand on Jinki’s bare chest, wanting to soothe him but also afraid of moving even just an inch. If he was honest, he maybe wanted to see if Jinki would get even just slightly jealous, but now that he saw it bothered him, Hakyeon regretted it. “I want to let you know that it has nothing to do with us. I didn’t even realize you looked similar until Wonshik pointed it out to me.”

“So you just seem to have a type, huh?” It was the first time Hakyeon heard him sound even just slightly upset. He always sounded so cheerful or calm and composed, but never that serious.

“I like you,” Hakyeon said. “As you are, not because of who you look like. And I’m grateful to you for a lot of things.”

“I want to keep seeing you,” Jinki replied. He placed a hand at the back of Hakyeon’s neck and pulled him down gently for a kiss. “For a long time,” he whispered in between short breaths. “For as long as I could.”

Hakyeon sighed into the kiss. It wasn’t hard to read between the lines. Jinki liked him. A lot. Probably almost as much as Hakyeon liked him. But only for as long as he could. If shit ever happens and his career would be put in danger, that would be the end for them.

  
  


Unfortunately, it didn’t take too long for them to set their priorities straight.

Two days later, Hakyeon was cleaning up his desk before clocking out when he received a call from Hongbin.

“Hyung, do you have plans tonight?”

“Uhhh, yeah,” Hakyeon replied. “I’m having dinner with someone.”

“If that someone is Lee Jinki, cancel it.” Hongbin spoke in a whisper but the urgency was apparent in his tone.

“What?” Hakyeon was confused for a second, but then he started to panic. “How did you know about-”

“My boyfri - no, my co-worker saw you guys leaving a hotel and took pictures of you.”

Hakyeon was thankful he was still at his desk and he fell right on his office chair because his legs felt like jelly and he just lost all capacity to stand. “I… What… Omygod, Hongbin… What do I do?” His voice was shaking, along with his whole body. He was barely even able to keep holding his phone up to his ear. It terrified him. Not because he was afraid of the attacks he would receive from Jinki’s fans but because of how much it would damage Jinki’s career. He himself was also just starting his own life again, and a teacher being caught in a hotel with another guy would not be the best for him.

“It’s okay, hyung,” Hongbin was still whispering. “I deleted the photos.”

“Omygod, thank you.” Hakyeon almost cried in relief.

“But now, our boss knows too, and they gave a go signal to allow that bastard to stalk Jinki.”

“What the hell?! Is that legal?”

“I don’t know how they’re gonna do it, but if you’re meeting with him, just cancel it. Call him and warn him about paparazzis and maybe try to lay low for a while, at least until these damn bastards give up on it.”

Hakyeon gulped. Cold sweat beads were forming on his forehead and his hands had not stopped trembling.

If he called Jinki, it might be the end for them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tying up loose ends may not always be easy. Especially when it comes to relationships you did not really want to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for really long lag time. Life has been busy and quite demotivating.
> 
> I'm very inefficient in proofreading my own work so please bear with my errors and feel free to point it out if you see one. Thank you.

It was easier to slip back into his normal routine than Hakyeon expected. Teaching dance was never as busy as the other subjects but it was intense enough to keep Hakyeon occupied - watching over students rehearse for their practical exams, giving them pointers, helping them improve their routines for their presentation, and preparing his next lesson plan after the midterms.

His co-teachers would occasionally ask or tease him whenever he worked overtime. Minhyuk was especially playful with him, noting that he almost never rushed out of the academy for dates anymore.

“Did you get dumped?” Minhyuk grinned as he threw his stress ball at Hakyeon. His expression turned more curious rather than teasing when Hakyeon looked at him pointedly, throwing back the tiny ball at his face. He caught it with his right hand, chuckling for a bit before leaning towards Hakyeon. “For real?”

“I wasn’t dumped,” Hakyeon answered flatly. “Things just ended that way.” It wasn’t like Jinki actually dumped him. They both just agreed to lay low for a while to avoid being caught by paparazzis, and they just… ended up not contacting each other ever again.

“Man,” Minhyuk leaned forward, carefully studying Hakyeon’s face. “You look pretty well for someone who’s heartbroken.”

“I’m not.”

“I could believe you, you know?” Now he leaned back on his chair, swiveling around his own desk while playing with his stress ball. “But you keep looking at your phone like you’re waiting for someone to call you.”

Hakyeon sighed. He didn’t realize how observant Minhyuk was. “I’m waiting for my friends,” he answered.

“Because your friends keep you company to forget your broken heart?”

Hakyeon rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to reach for Minhyuk and slice his neck with a hand. “I’m not heartbroken. We weren’t even -” He bit his lip. What was he going to say? That they were just hooking up? And now that it was over, he was still waiting for Jinki to contact him again? Hakyeon suddenly felt pathetic.

“Hey,” Minhyuk stilled his chair and leaned towards Hakyeon again. “Sorry, did I overstep a line?”

“No,” Hakyeon sighed, and then let a resigned smile form on his lips. “It’s fine.” He stared at Minhyuk for a moment, deciding that Minhyuk was probably someone he could consider a friend by then. They had been working together for a few months now, and although Minhyuk was a PE teacher who majored in sports, he was very much skilled at the dance department and often helped Hakyeon with his classes. Hakyeon could also feel that Minhyuk wasn’t just in for gossiping. 

“Are you okay?” Minhyuk asked, genuine concern on his face.

“Yeah. It was… just some sort of a fling and it just passed by quicker than I expected. That’s all. It’s not something I’d mope about.”

“I see… Well if you ever need an extra friend, I’m mostly available after classes.”

“Not that I need it, but I’m always up for delicious food and good company. You’re very fun to be with.” Hakyeon chuckled. He might have missed the way Minhyuk smiled smugly because his phone screen suddenly lit up with a message - a peek on the screen told him it was from Hongbin.

“Eh, is that him?” Minhyuk asked.

“Who? Oh… No. It’s one of my friends from uni.”

Minhyuk’s eyes narrowed as he stared at him. “I feel like it’s the first time you checked your message and did not look disappointed after seeing who it’s from.”

“My friends never disappoint me,” Hakyeon said defensively. Taekwoon, Sanghyuk, and Jaehwan had been keeping him distracted the past weeks. He had no idea whether Wonshik or Hongbin told them about the Jinki affair, but Taekwoon and Sanghyuk had been consistently inviting him out for dinner. Part of him wondered if the two were not just using him as an excuse to go on dates and  **_not_ ** call it a date. Sometimes, he felt like a third wheel, or even a chaperon for his precious Hyukkie - not that he minded. 

Jaehwan on the other hand, had been busy with his debut but he regularly texted Hakyeon just to check on him or chat about their day. 

He was never disappointed seeing their names on his screen. He was just… maybe… slightly hoping that sometimes it would be Jinki.

“Yeah, sure,” Minhyuk chuckled. He turned to face his desk and started arranging his papers, letting Hakyeon attend to his business.

Hakyeon smiled. Playful as Minhyuk was, he always knew when to give Hakyeon some private time. He picked up his phone to read Hongbin’s message, but before he even unlocked the screen, an incoming call came in from Wonshik.

It wasn’t often that Wonshik called him, so Hakyeon immediately picked up.

“Hyung, are you free right now? I need your help. Come to my studio.”

Hakyeon blinked in surprise. Seeing as Wonshik didn’t even bother with pleasantries and greetings, he assumed it was a little urgent. 

“I leave work in about 30 minutes. I can go there afterwards.”

“Okay. See you then.”

And he hung up.

Hakyeon was nothing but confused. It was so sudden and Wonshik didn’t even tell him what help he needed.

Minhyuk glanced at him curiously, as if waiting for a cue from Hakyeon if he could start teasing again. Hakyeon just stared at him, still confused.

“What, was it really him? You’re going on a date again?”

“No,” Hakyeon replied. “It was another friend and he said he needed help but he didn’t say what or why.” He turned his gaze down on his phone again, remembering that he still hadn’t read Hongbin’s message. 

_ >Hey, hyung… Sorry I haven’t talked to you in a while. Are you free today? _

Now Hakyeon was more confused. What were the chances that Hongbin and Wonshik would want to see him at the same time?

_ >Does this have something to do with Wonshik? Because he just called and told me to go to his studio. _

_ >Ahhh, no. I just wanted to thank you for staying with me that day and uhhh… talk for a bit. _

_ >No worries, Binnie. ^_^ How are you feeling now? Wonshik was asking for help so I’d go see him after work. We can meet at his studio if you want? _

_ >Nah, I’d rather not. I’ll see you next time, hyung. Thanks again. :) _

Hakyeon slouched on his seat and sighed. 

“What’s with that face?” Minhyuk asked.

“The friend who called and the friend who texted both want to meet today,” Hakyeon explained with a cute little pout.

“My rule is to always choose the one who asked first.”

“I received the text first but I didn’t get to read until after the call,” Hakyeon just got more confused.

“Well, who do you want to see more?”

If he would be honest, Hongbin had been through some tough stuff and Hakyeon really wanted to be there for him. But Wonshik was asking for help. It seemed urgent.

He sighed again. Maybe he would go help Wonshik first and call Hongbin back afterwards.

**-=o0o=-**

As it turned out, Wonshik’s concern was not as urgent it sounded, although it got Hakyeon so occupied that he completely forgot to call Hongbin even when he got home.

“Listen to this,” Wonshik handed him the headphones as soon as Hakyeon sat in front of his working station. There was no time to ask what it was about because a song started playing, and Hakyeon’s full attention was caught from the very first note.

It was just the type of song that Hakyeon liked - one he would love to dance to. It was all bright and cheerful yet not the typical teen-marketed pop song. The rhythms were simple yet dynamic enough to be musically interesting and not become boring. Lyrics-wise, it was just Hakyeon’s cup of tea.

Wonshik watched his reactions carefully, smiling when he saw that Hakyeon looked very interested.

“That was…” Hakyeon pulled back the headphones and left it hanging around his neck. “That was awesome, Wonshik!”

“Thanks,” Wonshik grinned, both humble and proud. “I take it you like the song?”

“Of course I do! It’s just the type of song I’d put on my top dance playlists!”

“Then…” Suddenly, Wonshik looked hesitant, making Hakyeon slightly nervous. “You’re saying you’d dance to it, right?”

“Y-yeah…”

“What do you think about choreographing for it?”

Hakyeon’s jaw dropped upon hearing the question. Was Wonshik asking him what he thought he was being asked?

“I’ll be proposing this song to some companies and I’m hoping it could be a group’s title track.”

“You want me to choreograph for an idol group?”

“Well, if you want to, I could rope you in. It’s just that I thought this song suits you a lot and I like how you make choreographies that tell the story of the song.”

“For which group?”

“Errr… Well, is that important?”

“It would be best to know what type of group they are. How many members and how well they dance. Line distribution would be a factor for an idol group dance too.”

“I have two companies in mind, but I don’t really know which group would have it. They usually make choreographies after recording the song, but I thought if I showed them your demo right upon submitting the song, it would make for a better impact and get higher chances. Hyung, truthfully, I’m not even sure if they would buy this song. So… there’s a chance you’d be working for nothing. ”

“I’m pretty sure you’d be able to sell this song though,” Hakyeon smiled confidently. He wasn’t the best musician neither did he have the taste of the public, but he knows a good song when he hears one.

“Well… Maybe think of having at least four to five members in a group? How long would it take for you to work on it?”

Hakyeon had a bad feeling about it. He had a strong gut feel about where this plan was going, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to decline.

“I’ll work on it over the weekend and send you what I’ve got by Monday.”

**-=o0o=-**

Hakyeon sat restless on the shotgun seat of Wonshik’s car one week later. He was gripping his seatbelt so hard and his jaws hurt from clenching his teeth too much.

“Hyung, I don’t want you to force yourself if you don’t want to do it,” Wonshik said, taking one look at him.

“I-it’s fine,” Hakyeon replied. “I’m fine, Wonshik.”

It wasn’t like Wonshik lied to Hakyeon. He wrote his song with a specific group in mind but he had no assurance they would take it, especially since he knew the said group was already halfway done recording songs for a new album. They probably already had a planned title track by then so he didn’t have high hopes. Now suddenly, things happened just as Wonshik had hoped but he wondered if it was a mistake to drag Hakyeon into his work. 

Wonshik took a deep sigh, but he turned on the engine and proceeded to drive. Hakyeon chatted nervously, not letting a single minute pass by in silence. Wonshik could tell he was trying to calm himself down. Before long, they were already walking into their destination building - the entertainment company that housed Jinki’s group.

“Ah! Cha Hakyeon!”

Unexpectedly, the members greeted Hakyeon loudly and excitedly the moment he entered the practice room with Wonshik. Hakyeon smiled at each of them, despite feeling awkward with the situation. They only ever exchanged short greetings during their visit at Changwon, so he was very surprised by the warm welcome. What made him feel more awkward, though, was the fact that the only member he actually had any relation to was staying at the back of the room and was barely saying a word.

“Hyung, what are you being so shy for?” One of the members teased as they pulled Jinki forward then pushed him towards Hakyeon.

It just occurred to Hakyeon that the members had no idea what really happened between them. Jinki was smiling at him just as awkwardly. 

“It’s been a while,” Jinki said. His smile was still his cute toothy grin, but his eyes were not disappearing into crescent slits like his usual happy smile and Hakyeon just felt really uncomfortable. Nevertheless, he returned the greeting and patted the other man on the shoulder.

“Wonshik told us about your classes. We only really need you to teach us the choreography over the weekend. After that, you can just come to check on the practice after school hours.” It was unnerving how the smile was plastered on his face yet he talked in a business-like manner, which just made Hakyeon more uncomfortable.

“Hyung, what are you being so stiff and formal for?” His members continued to tease, even elbowing his side and bumping him towards Hakyeon’s direction.

“We’re here for practice,” Jinki’s face turned slightly more serious as he glanced at one of their managers sitting at one corner of the practice room. “Let’s keep it professional.”

\- And professionals were what they were. Once they started working, they were serious about it. They had already seen Hakyeon’s demo video, so it wasn’t a very difficult start. The first verse went smoothly and Hakyeon just had to correct certain positions to suit each member better. Upon reaching the chorus though, the steps had a little more footwork and it took awhile for everyone to get it correctly. Jinki was especially having a hard time following, and as soon as they took a break, the members resumed teasing him.

“You’re usually better than this, aren’t you?”

“He’s purposely being clumsy!”

“He’s gonna need special lessons later.”

All the while, Jinki just kept glaring at them while telling them to shut up. Wonshik, on the other hand, sat beside Hakyeon, subtly patting his thigh and checking if he was okay.

“Thanks for staying even if you didn’t have to,” Hakyeon whispered as he looked back at Wonshik.

“I’m leaving you behind later though.” There was a smirk that wasn’t really a smirk. It was like Wonshik was trying to act smug and teasing, but Hakyeon could tell he was worried.

“What do you mean?”

“Aren’t you going to talk to him?”

Hakyeon sighed. “I don’t really know what to say right now.”

“He probably has a lot to say to you.”

“Yeah?”

“I think he wanted you to come.”

“I think you’re just imagining it. If he wanted to see me, he could have just sent me a text,” Hakyeon reasoned, but he was hopeful - Hopeful that maybe Jinki did want to see him.

“Just talk to him, hyung. This is the perfect excuse for both of you to do so.”

“Yeah. It’s probably our only excuse right now.”

They resumed practice soon after and everything went all right as far as Hakyeon was concerned. The choreography was simple enough to memorize. Still, Jinki was obviously behind his team members in terms of dancing abilities and despite his members’ teasing, Hakyeon knew it wasn’t on purpose. He had always noticed Jinki didn’t move like the others did. That is not to say he was not a good dancer - because he was, but it was obvious that he had to work extra hard compared to the rest of his group whose movements come out more naturally in sync with the beats.

By the time they were wrapping up, Jinki was obviously very frustrated with himself.

“You guys go ahead, I’ll stay practice for a bit more.”

“I told you!” Bets seemed to have been made on whether Jinki would get that special lesson or not, but he didn’t seem to care. He didn’t even spare Hakyeon a glance while everyone was packing up.

“Hakyeon-hyung, please take care of him!”

But Hakyeon was under the impression that he wasn’t being asked to stay either.

  
  


The practice room was almost empty save for one manager, Wonshik, Jinki, and him. Hakyeon gripped the strap of his backpack tightly, looking at Wonshik helplessly.

  
  


_ Just talk to him. _

  
  


Hakyeon sighed, hesitantly turning towards Jinki.

“D-do you… want me stay? I mean… Do you, err… need help?” He asked and mentally cursed himself for stuttering.

“You don’t have to,” Jinki looked at him for a quick second, before turning to his manager. “You should go with the others, hyung. Just leave the car key in my bag.”

Hakyeon felt like he had been doused with ice-cold water. He was ready to talk had Jinki asked him to, but he didn’t. Instead, he went and left with Wonshik. He let out a frustrated sigh as soon as they reached the parking lot. 

“I told you, you were imagining it.” He pulled on the door of Wonshik’s car with a heavy heart, but the door wouldn’t budge. Wonshik hadn’t unlocked it, so he looked up at the other side of the car and saw Wonshik just staring at him.

“You do want to talk to him, don’t you?”

“I…”

“He knew you were the person singing with me in the new demo. I could tell. His eyes grew wide and teary the moment he heard your voice, but he didn’t say anything until the management decided to give them the song. Then he asked me if I had any choreography in mind. Hyung, he looked at me as if he was begging me to take you here, so that was when I showed them your dance demo.”

“Wonshik…”

“Go back, hyung.”

“Going back wouldn’t change anything,” Hakyeon bit his lip. “But I guess we do deserve a proper end to this.”

**-=o0o=-**

“You idiot,” Hakyeon grunted when he went back into the practice room only to find Jinki sitting on a corner, hugging his knees and muffling his sobs with his arms. He walked slowly - hesitantly - towards him.

“Wh-Why did you come back? Did you forget something?” Jinki quickly wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt and tried - hard as he could- to erase any trace of tears. He thought he would stand up and resume practice, but his legs felt numb.

“Yeah,” Hakyeon replied. “I forgot to ask how you were doing.” He sat next to Jinki and gently wiped his cheek with a thumb. “Obviously, you’re not okay.”

“Hakyeon…”

“Why did you tell me to go if you were gonna cry like this, dummy.”

“I didn’t tell you to go,” Jinki replied firmly, but he couldn’t look at Hakyeon in the eyes. Instead, he kept his gaze on the floor and clenched his fists, nails digging into the palms of his hands. “I just couldn’t ask you to stay.”

Hakyeon felt a tight knot on his chest, thinking back to how Jinki told his manager to go, but to Hakyeon… he said it like it was a choice to be made and Hakyeon chose to leave. He thought he had no reason to stay. 

It was basically what their whole relationship summed up to. Jinki could never commit to anything, could not give him anything more than what their status allowed, and he could never ask Hakyeon for anything that he himself could not offer. Hakyeon fully understood it. And yet as they sat there together, he knew they both wished they could have more.

They couldn’t.

“You could have called,” Hakyeon said, surprisingly calm and composed. Maybe he had been expecting this to happen from the very start. Maybe he had been preparing himself all along.

“I was going to,” Jinki pulled his knees closer to his chest. “But I found out it wasn’t just that one reporter who knew about us.”

Hakyeon’s eyes grew wide as he stared at Jinki worriedly. “Omygod… How… Did you get into trouble?”

Jinki shook his head. “I thought we should just lay low for a while to avoid paparazzis but… It seems some fans already knew way before we got caught at the hotel. You see, some fans, they protect us from scandals too. I think they’ve been keeping my secret to protect both me and the group.”

“Then… Doesn’t that mean everything’s okay?”

Jinki shook his head.

”A fan slipped me a note during our last fansign, asking if I was still seeing you. I just…” Jinki bit on his lip so hard that Hakyeon was afraid he was going to bleed. Thankfully, he continued speaking soon after. “I got scared. I’m sorry that I’m a coward but I just got really scared.” Soft sobs escaped his lips once more, and the tears started falling again. “If that scandal ever got out on public, it would be the end for all of us.”

Hakyeon reached for his hand and gently squeezed it, hoping to help ease the burden somehow. He pulled Jinki closer so he could cry on his shoulder, the same way he did with Hongbin a few weeks ago. Once they were huddled together in that small corner of the practice room, Jinki let it all out. He held on tight to Hakyeon and sobbed hard against the nook of his neck.

“It’s okay,” Hakyeon whispered, rubbing Jinki’s back with one hand. “You’re gonna be okay.” He couldn’t help but cry a few tears too. He liked Jinki a lot and he was hurting too, but seeing the other man crumble and breakdown in front of him made him realize that Jinki held much deeper feelings for him than he let Hakyeon know.

“This is stupid,” Jinki chuckled through half a sob when he managed to calm down. “I feel so pathetic. I’m really sorry, Hakyeon.”

“Don’t apologize. You’re having it harder than I do.”

“I’ve hurt you.” 

He kept such a sad smile on his face that Hakyeon would rather he cried than keep acting tough.

“You’re hurting too. You’re carrying all this burden alone, aren’t you? Your members don’t seem to know what happened. That manager of yours don’t look too friendly, and you didn’t even try to contact me.” He gave Jinki’s back one last pat before retracting his hand and keeping it to himself. 

“You’re protecting everyone. Your members, your fans, your company... Me, especially. You’re protecting us all.” Hakyeon took a deep breath. He felt like it was so unfair how Jinki had to suffer through it all alone, and yet he couldn’t even offer to share the burden with him. “I’m not worth it, Jinki. I’m thankful to know that I’m not just a random fuck to you, but I’m just not worth the risk of losing everything you’ve worked so hard on.”

“You very much are, Hakyeon.” Jinki looked into his eyes for the first time that day and cupped his face. His eyes were still clouded with tears, but he stared straight into Hakyeon’s soul. “You’re worth everything I have, believe me. If it was just me, I would risk everything for you... but I can’t drag my members down with me. They deserve better than that. And you deserve better than just some secret hotel rendezvous. You deserve to be out there and be happy with someone who can love you with all his heart and not hide or deny you in front of other people.”

“You’re more naive than I thought,” Hakyeon sighed. “Did you think if I wasn’t dating an idol, I’d be free to flaunt my boyfriend in public? People will judge me whoever I’m with for the sole reason that it wouldn’t be a woman.”

Jinki forced a laugh. “You’re right. But at least you could do away with the threats of having anyone come and attack you for whatever fate my group will have.”

“Yeah,” Hakyeon pursed his lips. “You’re right.”

They stared at each other for some long quiet minutes - ingraining the face in front of them into their memory. Hakyeon knew he was gonna keep seeing Jinki everywhere - his ads, his music videos, his shows, his voice on the radio. Jinki will be all around him but he wouldn’t even try to avoid it. He would just live with the memories of what they shared together and move on. Jinki probably would never see him again, but he hoped he would be remembered. 

He raised a hand to hold Jinki’s, still cupping his own face. And then he reached out and gently pulled Jinki by the neck.

“I take it this is area is a blind spot?” He asked, taking a quick glance at the CCTV installed at one side of the practice room.

“Yeah,” Jinki answered with pursed smile. “This is where I sit when I want to take a break and hide.”

“Clever,” Hakyeon chuckled softly before closing the gap between their lips. It started out soft and slow, but he pushed deeper when he felt Jinki smile into the kiss. Even as he pulled back, he let his lips linger over Jinki’s while they both paused for breath.

He contemplated going for another kiss but he thought he would find it harder to let go if he didn’t end it soon. So he let his hand slide off Jinki’s neck as he straightened up.

“You’ll still come for our dance practice, right?”

“Yes, of course,” Hakyeon answered.

“Let’s keep it professional then. Treat me as one of your students.”

“Professional, yes. I’ll have to warn you, I’m a very strict teacher.”

Any other time, those words would have gotten them away from the studio and on to another hotel room. Unfortunately this time, Hakyeon meant it literally.

A fond smile spread across Jinki’s face as he stared at Hakyeon. “After this comeback… When all this is over and I can’t see you anymore, I would still think of you. And next time we meet, let’s be friends, Cha Hakyeon.”

“I’d love that,” Hakyeon returned the smile. “But for now,” he stood up and then turned to face Jinki. He stretched out a hand, urging Jinki to take it and stand up as well. “I’ll be your teacher and give you that special dance lesson.”

Jinki grunted, but he wiped his face clean and then took Hakyeon’s hand. He really needed that dance lesson.

  
  


**-=o0o=-**

“Hyung!” Hongbin waved a hand as soon as Hakyeon entered the cafe, helping the latter spot him easily.

Hakyeon grinned as he walked towards him. “Sorry, I got held back by my co-teacher for a bit,” he explained, taking the seat across Hongbin.

“It’s fine. I haven’t been here for long.”

“So,” Hakyeon leaned forward, resting his chin on one hand. “How have you been, Binnie?”

Hongbin chuckled awkwardly. “I’m fine, hyung. Wouldn’t you like to order first?” he shifted uncomfortably on his seat, and he quite obviously still didn’t want to talk about certain things that Hakyeon was interested in, at least not at the moment.

He owed a lot to Hongbin, Hakyeon thought. He was usually a straight to the point type of person and he would like to ask for details about Hongbin’s breakup, but he decided to save it for later.

“One iced tea please,” Hakyeon smiled as he politely asked the waitress for his drink. Then he turned back to Hongbin.

“You wanted to meet a some weeks ago. I’m sorry it took so long.”

“It’s fine, hyung. I heard from Wonshik. He got you a side gig to choreograph his song. That's awesome!” The smile in Hongbin’s face was no way near forced nor pretentious. Hakyeon felt warm inside, knowing that Hongbin still hadn’t changed - always genuinely proud of whatever accomplishments his friends achieve, no matter how big or small. He sometimes envied that sincerity. One has to be truly content with himself in order to not feel insecure about other people’s achievements.

“Yeah. I didn’t really expect him to ask me to do it, but it turned out well, and the company liked it too.”

“And the group?” Hongbin asked hesitantly. “I heard it’s  _ that _ group… So… What I’m saying is…”

“Hongbin, it’s okay. We’re all good.”

“Oh thank goodness,” Hongbin sighed in relief and then he put back the smile on his face. “I was really worried that my shitty ex ruined your relationship.”

Hakyeon bit his lip. “There was nothing to ruin, Binnie,” he smiled sadly. “It was something that wasn’t meant to last, and it was neither your or your ex’s fault that it ended sooner than I expected.”

“Wait, I thought you said - “

“I’m good,” Hakyeon repeated. “I’m as fine as I can be.”

“Hyung, I’m really sorry.” The beautiful smile on Hongbin’s face was then replaced by guilt and concern. “I tried to talk them out of it. My stupid boss thought it was a good idea to let that bastard keep following Jinki until they get new pictures and then get money from his company in exchange for evidence. Thankfully, they didn’t get any and they gave up after a while”

“That’s a horrible company you’re working for,” Hakyeon felt bad that he wasn’t able to smile at the waitress who delivered his drink, but he couldn’t help but frown. It wasn’t just about Jinki. The fact probably a lot of celebrities had to go through this kind of problem made his blood boil. Those people are human too and should be allowed to date whomever they liked. Hakyeon wished Jaehwan wouldn’t have a hard time if he ever got that level of popularity.

“I know. That’s why I left...”

“Good,” he took a sip of his drink, almost biting the straw in frustration. But then the words sank in and he almost spat it all out. “Wait, what?!”

Hongbin just pursed a smile, one dimple popping on his cheek.

“B-but… what about your job? What are you going to do now?” It was Hakyeon’s turn to feel guilty. As far as he knew, Hongbin was doing great with his job before the incident with Jinki happened. “Hold on, you didn’t get into trouble for deleting those pictures, right?”

Hongbin chuckled. “No, hyung. Well, that bastard thought I intentionally deleted the photos to get back at him, but I insisted it was an accident and my boss - err, ex-boss knew I wouldn’t do something so petty. I was completely off the hook, but I couldn’t stand the fact that they were willing to stalk an idol and be a full pledged paparazzi, even if they had no plans of actually publishing a scandal. It made me feel sick to work with them, so I quit.”

“Hongbin,” Hakyeon reached for his hand and squeezed it. “That’s really admirable of you. But you got bills to pay too, don’t you?”

“It’s fine, hyung. I found a new job with a better company,” he grinned, squeezing back on Hakyeon’s hand. “That was why I didn’t contact you for a while. I knew you would feel bad about me quitting, so I made sure I had a new job first before seeing you again. I just wanted to say thank you for staying with me that day. And I’m sorry again, for what happened between you and Jinki.”

“Oh my dear Binnie,” Hakyeon smiled. “You never had anything to apologize for. We didn’t end things because of you, okay? I’m rather thankful to you, for deleting those pictures and warning me. We owe you big time. It would have been a big problem if not for yo-”

“Hongbin.” 

A deep voice suddenly called from behind Hakyeon. He turned his head to look and found a familiar face approaching them - the face he saw at the restaurant before. The face that made Hongbin cry for hours that day.

“What the hell, Hongbin,” the man walked straight towards Hongbin, frowning upon seeing Hakyeon’s face. “What, did you delete those picture because you’re working with this guy? Is he paying you? That’s why you left the company?” He pointed rudely at Hakyeon.

Hongbin’s jaws visibly tensed up. He was clenching his teeth and so was Hakyeon. Neither of them enjoyed the new arrival.

“I don’t appreciate being pointed at, thank you. I’m rather surprised you would think of some dirty business first upon seeing us together. You see, unlike you, Hongbin here is a good person and a good friend who wouldn’t sell other people’s personal matters for money.”

“You’re friends? Hongbin… Hey, would you just talk to me?”

But Hongbin refused to even look at him. Hakyeon could tell he was doing everything he could to not explode with anger - or tears. Instead, he fixed his eyes on Hakyeon’s glass in the table.

“Please leave,” Hakyeon said sternly. “He’s done with cheaters like you.” For a moment, he wondered if he was overstepping on their relationship, but the fact that Hongbin still wasn’t speaking a word made Hakyeon feel like he was doing - and saying - the right things.

“I didn't cheat on him,” the man whispered angrily, which just made Hakyeon raise a brow. “That woman he saw was just a family friend.”

“Yeah? So that day I took Hongbin home after we saw you with your family friend, you just happened to pass by the same hotel I was at a couple of hours later? Alone?”

The man glared at Hakyeon. “You don’t know anything.”

“I know that you’ve hurt Hongbin.” Hakyeon glared right back at him, his hand tightly clenched around his still almost full glass of iced tea.

“Hyung,” Hongbin finally spoke. “Keep that glass on the table.” he lifted his gaze and met Hakyeon’s eyes, as if saying,  _ Don’t do it again.  _ Hongbin could still vividly remember that Christmas Party some years ago when Hakyeon splashed beer onto the guys who mocked Hongbin for no good reason. “Don’t make a scene here.”

Hakyeon cluck his tongue and rolled his eyes in annoyance before lifting his glass. Hongbin immediately sprinted up and pulled the man behind him, shielding him and then closing his eyes ready to receive the splash of iced tea.

It didn’t come.

Hongbin slowly opened his eyes to see Hakyeon staring at him, sipping his iced tea from his straw.

“I was just going to drink.”

Hongbin felt slightly annoyed but relieved at the same time. He gave Hakyeon a small smile. After all, he was still grateful that Hakyeon was being protective of him.

“Wait for me here,” he said. “I’ll talk to him outside.”

Hakyeon didn’t like the idea, but it wasn’t like he had a say on it. It was Hongbin’s relationship - his decisions to make. So he just watched as the two went out of the cafe and then waited patiently as instructed. He couldn’t see where they went, but when Hongbin came back, his eyes were slightly red, obviously from crying.

“Sorry, I didn’t think we’d come across him here,” he said with a smile.

Hakyeon frowned. He knew that kind of smile and he knew Hongbin was really forcing it.

“I paid for the bill while you were out. Do you want to go somewhere else?”

“Home, maybe,” Hongbin answered. “I think I wanna go home.”

“So you can cry alone?”

It took a while before Hongbin spoke again, barely looking at Hakyeon this time. “Are you disappointed that I’m this weak?”

“No, of course not.” The answer was almost instant. It wasn’t a difficult question. Hakyeon would never be disappointed because he never thought of Hongbin as weak. “For you to still be protecting him despite how angry and hurt you’ve been, I’m impressed, Binnie. That’s not something a weak man can do. You still have the purest of heart and I admire you for that.”

Hongbin chuckled. “Don’t get me wrong, I just didn’t want any fight to break out here.”

“Yeah,” Hakyeon admitted. “It would have been bad if you didn’t stop me before I even raised my glass.”

“You’re still the same Cha Hakyeon. Always ready to wage war for your friends.”

Hakyeon laughed. “When you have such precious friends, you can’t help it. I’m really thankful to you, Lee Hongbin. For everything. From the time I came back up to the matter with Jinki, you’ve been a really great help.”

“That’s nothing, hyung. You helped me just as much so we’re kind of even.”

Hakyeon didn’t think they were exactly even but there was no use counting favors so he just nodded. He just promised himself he’d do everything to be even half as good of a friend as Hongbin was.

“Just to set the record straight, you didn’t get back together did you?”

“No,” Hongbin half-sighed. It wasn't that he regretted it. He just wondered if there was any way things could have turned out better. “It’s over. Had been over some weeks ago.”

He stood up, looking over their table and his seat to make sure he didn’t leave anything behind. “Let’s go, hyung.”

“Home?”

“Nah, on second thought, I think we should go see Sanghyuk for a bit. Just to check on your precious baby Hyukkie, you know.”

Hakyeon grinned. Not only was it a good distraction for Hongbin, it was also something he had been planning to get into for a while now. He had a lot of things to ask Han Sanghyuk.

“Yeah. Let’s do that.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I let this chapter be extra long for more history and content, but I dont think that makes uo for lack of updates haha.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it anyway, I /tried/ to make it lighter than previous ones.
> 
> Also if you are interested, there is a Luck spin off, so do read Jealousy Incarnate as well ^_^

“That long face again?” Minhyuk poked Hakyeon’s cheek as he leaned against the desk.

Hakyeon pouted even more. “I called all my friends one by one asking them if they want to hang out with me tomorrow, and all of them said they’re busy.”

“You haven’t asked me,” Minhyuk chirped.

“I…” Hakyeon bit his lower lip. He did think of asking Minhyuk too. They were close enough to occasionally eat or drink together after work, and even spend hours talking with each other on the phone.

“Ah, you’re probably sick of seeing my face five days a week. Hanging out on a Saturday would be too much?” Minhyuk kicked the floor to push his chair back to his own desk.

“No!” Hakyeon quickly pulled his chair to follow him. “I love hanging out with you!”

Minhyuk raised a brow, his smile a little smug. “You do?”

“Of course I do. But didn’t you mention the other day that you’re seeing your friends this weekend as well?”

“Aaahh, that’s right.” He covered his mouth playfully, pretending to be shocked as he remembered his prior engagement.

Hakyeon sighed, both his head and his shoulders dropping. He just wanted some company. He was originally planning to go home and see his parents, but their house was undergoing some repairs and his mom said they would visit him Sunday instead.

“But I’m sure I could spare some time to celebrate your birthday with you,” Minhyuk winked at him. “We could at least have lunch together.

“Really?” Hakyeon’s face lit up with excitement. “I mean… you don’t have to… Wait, how did you even know it’s my birthday?”

“You marked the date on your desk calendar,” Minhyuk chuckled as he pointed at the ridiculously red-marked calendar.

Hakyeon cooed at him, “Thank you.”

He wasn't really the type to celebrate. More often than not, he just spent the day chilling in his room with a friend or two, with barely a cake or some chicken. It’s just that this time, Hakyeon didn’t want to be alone and remember how he spent his birthday the previous year.

~

He was at Changwon, and he thought he would spend it like any ordinary day, teaching at the foundation and coming home to just rest and watch some TV… Except Wongeun was waiting at his doorstep carrying a box of cake when he got home. He looked exhausted from work, but he travelled all the way South just to see Hakyeon. It really was very sweet and touching, and yet Hakyeon just felt tired at the time. He hated seeing his loved one so worn-out. Wongeun was steadily rising as an actor, getting busier by the day. Meanwhile, Hakyeon was just there, drowning himself in insecurities. He didn’t want to burden Wongeun anymore, not when the latter would have to travel all that distance but Hakyeon couldn’t bear to set a foot back in Seoul just yet, not even for him. So after eating together, with Wongeun singing happy birthday and letting Hakyeon blow out the candle, Hakyeon told him his wish.

“It won’t come true if you tell,” Wongeun said.

“I think I need to say it for it to come true.” The sadness on his face must have given it away, because Wongeun mirrored the same sullen expression on his own.

“Hakyeon…”

“I wished for you to be happy,” Hakyeon paused as he took a deep breath. “Without anything holding you back. Without me holding you back.”

“You’re not h-”

“We both know I am,” Hakyeon cut in, staring straight into Wongeun’s eyes. And that, Wongeun couldn’t rebut. It was true that he was more than exhausted, working long hours and still trying to make at least one phone call to Hakyeon every day. He knew in his mind that Hakyeon was doing just fine, but being far from each other just kept him worried all the time. He was also starting to get roles with romantic storylines and although Hakyeon kept telling him he didn’t mind, Wongeun felt burdened by the fact that he would be kissing some female actress when he could barely see his real boyfriend. He has managed with fake kisses in the meantime but it would be hard to say no to bigger roles soon.

Wongeun sighed. He pulled Hakyeon for a hug and kissed his forehead. “I’m sorry.”

It was probably the least dramatic breakup Hakyeon ever had. No yelling, no tears, no argument at all. They both just held each other and acted like they were still together until Wongeun left early the next morning. Once he was alone, Hakyeon let the tears fall, but not for long. He knew they both just wanted the best for each other. It hurt and he moped for his broken heart but he didn’t want to cry when he knew it was the right decision for Wongeun.

~

Now that he thought about it, even if they didn’t break up then, once Wongeun becomes a top-class actor, things would probably end up the way they did with Jinki anyway. His relationship with Wongeun sure was deeper, but Hakyeon still didn’t think he was worth losing everything they worked so hard for.

“Hey, aren’t you going to answer that?” Minhyuk literally snapped him back to reality. Hakyeon blinked, mentally scolding himself for getting lost in his thoughts again. His phone was ringing and he picked it up to answer Hongbin’s call.

“Hyung!” Hongbin called frantically, almost yelling at Hakyeon.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Errr… Uhh… Tomorrow...” Hongbin fumbled with his words. Hakyeon could hear faint whispers and cracking noises in the background. “We’re… I mean, it turns out I’m actually free tomorrow, so if you wanna hang out…”

“Oh?” Hakyeon found it strange yet he couldn’t help but smile. Hongbin previously said he had other plans but it was likely he suddenly remembered Hakyeon’s birthday after the call and felt bad about it.

“Yeah, so we can maybe have lunch?”

“Lunch?” Hakyeon looked at Minhyuk who had been watching him from his desk. “I’m already having lunch with another friend tomorrow. So… If you don’t mind, you can come with us or we can meet after that.”

“Uhh… How about after lunch then?”

“Yeah, that works!”Hakyeon smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow then!”

-=o0o=-

“Hyung!” Hongbin waved as he called Hakyeon’s attention at the subway station.

Hakyeon smiled as soon as he spotted Hongbin. He ran the short distance between them and greeted cheerfully, “Hongbin! I’m so glad you made time for me today!”

Hongbin scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “I wouldn’t want you to be alone on your birthday.”

“Thanks. What happened to your other plans though? I hope you didn’t ditch Chansik just for me.”

“Nah,” Hongbin chuckled. “I really was just planning to stream a game today.” He tapped Hakyeon’s shoulder, urging him to start walking. But then he suddenly stopped and pulled Hakyeon back as well. “Ahh! I forgot your gift!”

“You got a gift for me?”

“Yeah, but I left it at home!”

Soft giggles escaped Hakyeon’s lips. “Aww that’s sweet of you, Binnie. You didn’t have to-”

“Do you mind if we go back to my place to get it?”

“You can just give it to me next time we meet but well, I don’t mind going to your place to receive it now.”

“Don’t give me that crap, I know you’d love to receive a gift today, no matter how small,” Hongbin replied slyly.

Well, that was true. Hakyeon was no longer the type to demand love and attention, but he still very much enjoyed receiving it. Still, he couldn’t help but tease, “Your presence is already a gift.”

“Eww, Hyung! Don’t say such cringy things!”

Hakyeon laughed as he watched Hongbin scrunch his face and coil away from him. Typical of Hongbin. Hakyeon was reminded why he always liked being more mushy just to get a reaction from him.

Hongbin walked briskly, whipping his phone from his pocket to keep himself busy on their way back and ignore more of Hakyeon’s teasing.

“Hey, you wanted to keep me company today so why are you ignoring me?” Hakyeon pouted.

“Stop with your nonsense and I’ll stop ignoring you.” He made a show of his fingers curling despite holding his phone on one hand.

Hakyeon laughed. They had seen each other and hung out a couple of times already, but there was always something sad or serious going on and they only ever just talked or comforted each other. It was the first time Hakyeon had been able to comfortably tease Hongbin again since he came back. Maybe even since they broke up.

“Whom did you have lunch with, by the way?” Hongbin asked when Hakyeon was done teasing him.

“Oh, my co-worker, Minhyuk. He offered to have lunch with me the moment I told him you all rejected me.”

“That’s nice of him. How was it then?”

“Great,” Hakyeon smiled. “The food was delicious and we had tea afterwards. He’s great company and it’s always comfortable hanging out with him.”

“Oho,” this time it was Hongbin teasing him. His eyes were squinting and his smile was playful “He’s also the one you often go out with during weekdays, right? I heard from Taekwoon-hyung. Aren’t you basically already dating now?”

“Nah, we’re really just friends. When we first started working together, I did thought maybe he was interested in me and I worried because I was still involved with Jinki at the time,” Hakyeon admitted, embarrassed. “But then I realized he’s just really friendly with everyone, and I guess somewhat flirty? It totally doesn’t mean anything to either of us.” He giggled to himself subtly as he added the last sentence. That was probably the best thing about Minhyuk. Their personalities were so similar that they easily understood each other’s sentiments. In a way, Minhyuk was a reminder of how he used to be, and it helped him regain a little bit of the carefreeness that he lost when he isolated himself from his friends.

“You look happy,” Hongbin smiled at him. “I’m glad you found a good friend at work.”

“He’s interested to meet you, you know?” Hakyeon chuckled.

“Me? Why?” Hongbin asked, although he was not particularly interested to know. They were already entering his apartment building so he walked ahead a little, gesturing his hand towards the direction of the elevator as if Hakyeon hadn’t been there before yet.

“I’ve mentioned you guys a few times and he said he’s curious about my friends.”

“Doesn’t that sound like he’s more interested in you and wants to be friends with your friends?”

Hakyeon chuckled. “Doubt that. I think he also saw your photo on the caller ID when you called yesterday. I could introduce you guys to each other if you’re interested?”

“From what you said earlier, he’s like another you.” Hongbin scoffed as he punched the code to his unit. “Cha Hakyeon 2.0? No, thanks.”

Hakyeon hissed. “What’s that supposed to mean, you-”

“Surprise!!!”

Two loud pops blasted onto Hakyeon’s ears as pieces of confetti sprinkled in front of him. Then there was a third pop, followed by a groan from Taekwoon after getting hit on the head by Sanghyuk.

“You had one job!” Sanghyuk nagged at him for failing to twist the party popper on time.

Hakyeon stared wide-eyed into the apartment. The room had been decorated with party ribbons, his five closest friends were all there, wearing party hats, except for Hongbin. It took a couple of seconds before he managed to even blink and react, and by then, Jaehwan had jumped onto his back and kissed him on the cheek.

“You all rejected me yesterday!” Hakyeon almost yelled but he couldn’t help the smile spreading on his lips.

“It wouldn’t be a surprise if we didn’t,” Jaehwan singsonged, still hanging off Hakyeon’s back.

“You… you guys really didn’t have to.” He half-sighed, not sure how to react.

Then came Sanghyuk and Wonshik sniggering at the side, “He’s gonna cry! He’s gonna cry!”

“I’m not!” Hakyeon blinked rapidly a couple of times, getting rid of any tear that threatened to well up in his eyes. “I’m really touched though,” he finally smiled and hugged Jaehwan back. Taekwoon immediately approached to entangle himself with them too. Sanghyuk picked up the cake and they all sang happy birthday before Hakyeon blew out the candle.

Truthfully, Hakyeon really wanted to cry tears of joy. He never expected his friends to pull a surprise like that, not for him. He didn’t think his birthday was special enough to gather his five busy friends together. Having them prepare a surprise party not only made him happy, it also eased up the unnecessary anxieties he had.

“Whose idea was this?” He asked.

“Sanghyuk,” Taekwoon answered.

“Oh?” Hakyeon raised a brow. He had been feeling a little worried about Sanghyuk’s hot and cold treatment of him, which he presumed was because of the boy’s unspoken feelings for Taekwoon and jealousy over him. Hakyeon smiled and approached Sanghyuk with a tight hug. “Thank you.”

“Hey, don’t get the wrong idea,” Sanghyuk said, trying his best to free himself from Hakyeon’s firm embrace. “I just said in passing that you would probably cry if we did a surprise party and Taekwoon-hyung got all excited about it.”

  


Hakyeon squinted at him, looking for any sign of bitter jealousy, but all he found was the faint hint of blush on Sanghyuk’s ears and cheeks. He was flustered.

Hakyeon giggled.

“So it was you and Taekwoon?”

“Mostly, yeah.” It was Taekwoon who answered proudly. “Except for the party hats,” he added as he placed one on Hakyeon’s head.

“That’s me! That’s me!” Jaehwan raised his hand excitedly. He was quite proud that he got his friends to agree wearing them.

“How long are you all going to stand there? I’m hungry!” Wonshik growled.

Hakyeon scowled at his impatience but he walked further into the apartment towards the living room area. Hongbin’s table was barely enough for two persons so it had been pushed to the side. In its place was a picnic mat where all the food had been placed. Sanghyuk brought back the cake to the center of it and then they all sat on the floor around the setup.

“Really, thank you guys,” Hakyeon said again before they started eating. “I’m so happy that all of you are here.”

“We’re happy that you’re here too,” Taekwoon replied. “We’ll celebrate all your birthdays with you, so just stay with us, okay?”

Hakyeon leaned his head against Taekwoon’s shoulder and smiled. “You can all stop being so paranoid. I have no plans of leaving again any time soon. And even if I do, I promise I’ll really keep in touch this time.”

“You said that last time too,” Wonshik looked skeptical, despite the slight smile on his face. Hakyeon reached out to cup his cheeks with both of his hands and then squeezed them together so that Wonshik’s lips protruded into a pout.

“You’re gonna have to try very hard to get rid of me this time, Kim Wonshik. Because I’ll stick to you no matter how much you push me away.”

“W-why me? I did not ask for it!” He said through the forced pout. He was blindly groping the mat on his side, looking for Jaehwan’s hand to ask for rescue but the latter even inched away from him.

“It’s Hakyeon-hyung you’re talking to, love,” Jaehwan said sweetly. “You can’t deny your love for him. I have no objections.”

“The betrayal!” Wonshik gasped dramatically after Hakyeon let go of his face. Jaehwan did come over to kiss him on the cheek and the others just laughed while putting food on their plates. They played a few games after eating too, and Taekwoon pulled out a bottle of wine from who knows where. They each had a little to drink and chatted until late afternoon.

Of course, Hakyeon also received gifts. Jaehwan and Wonshik gave him an expensive watch. Hongbin, Taekwoon and Sanghyuk got him a branded bluetooth speaker for dance practices and classes.

Hakyeon loved the wonderful gifts but he also felt a little burdened. Taekwoon assured him it wasn’t that heavy on the pockets because they all all chipped in and they were all earning decently anyway except for Sanghyuk who was still a student and only had a part time job. So Hakyeon just thankfully accepted their presents. He couldn’t be any happier.

After a while though, Jaehwan had to leave for a schedule and Wonshik insisted on giving him a ride at least up to his company. Sanghyuk left soon after too, having to study for his exams.

“Take care, Hyukkie~ Goodluck on your exams,” Hakyeon hugged him once more before he left. “Thanks again for everything. I was happy today because of you.”

Sanghyuk hissed. “Stop being mushy. I’m going.” He glanced at Taekwoon before turning back to Hakyeon and saying goodbye again. “I’m going. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

Just as the door closed after Sanghyuk, Hakyeon turned to face Taekwoon. “You’re not driving him back to his dorm?”

“It’s quite nearby. He doesn’t need a ride.”

That was unusual.

Hakyeon and Hongbin stared at each other. The surprised look on Hongbin’s face told Hakyeon they were thinking the same thing.

“Did you guys fight?”

“No.”

“But did something happen?”

Sanghyuk and Taekwoon seemed okay for most of the party, bantering and teasing each other like usual. Yet right before Sanghyuk left, it felt like they were suddenly distant with each other.

“Not really,” Taekwoon walked back to the living room and started cleaning up.

Hakyeon looked at Hongbin again, who just shrugged at him.

“Taekwoon,” he called softly as he and Hongbin followed Taekwoon and helped clean up. “About Sanghyuk~”

“You know,” Taekwoon spoke as if he didn’t hear Hakyeon try to start a conversation. “We wouldn’t have been able to do this if not for Hongbin.”

Hakyeon paused. He knew Taekwoon was trying to avoid talking about Sanghyuk, but he didn’t mind talking about Hongbin either.

“We all agreed to pretend we were busy and unavailable, then surprise you with a party,” Taekwoon’s face lit up with joy as he told Hakyeon the story while they carried their used plates back to the kitchen. Meanwhile, Hongbin turned on his vacuum robot and started cleaning up the floor.

“We were supposed to have the party at Wonshik’s place,” he chuckled softly, and Hakyeon couldn’t help but find it endearing. Taekwoon had really become a lot more talkative and cheerful than he remembered him to be.

“So he thought Wonshik agreed to see you and when we realized none of us did, he said you would surely ask your other friends out and then we won’t be able to surprise you.”

“Aww, that’s why you called me back soon after?”

Taekwoon had started washing the dishes, but Hakyeon had turned to look at Hongbin fondly. “Binnie, you haven’t changed.”

“You haven’t either,” Hongbin replied nonchalantly.

Hakyeon pursed his lips. “I have though.”

“Not much, really. You could still easily befriend people and fact is, you had someone offer to have lunch with you less than five minutes after we all declined. That is a pretty Cha Hakyeon thing to me.”

Hakyeon leaned over the counter and rested his chin on his hand while watching Hongbin pick up bigger pieces of trash on the floor.

“You would have doused my ex with your drink if I didn’t stop you.”

“He would have deserved it,” Hakyeon replied firmly. His blood still boiled whenever he remembered how much Hongbin cried for that person.

“That’s not the point.” There was a forced smile on Hongbin’s face which told Hakyeon he probably regretted bringing it up, but he went on anyway. “The point is, you’re still the same as before. You would have confronted him like you did with those assholes who mocked me back in uni. You still fight for your friends. And you still wanna know everyone’s business,” he threw a pointed look at Taekwoon whose back was turned on them while quietly working in the dishes.

“You grew up a little, maybe. We all did. Got a little more sentimental and maybe just a tiny bit more matured over the past year. But the core is still you. You’re still the same Cha Hakyeon.”

Hakyeon suddenly pushed himself up and walked around the counter to get back to where Hongbin was. Without warning, he slipped his hands around Hongbin’s slim waist and hugged him.

“Thank you, Binnie.” Hakyeon whispered.

“Ayyy, Cha Hakyeon,” Hongbin laughed. “Still so easily touched.” He was holding trash with his hands so he didn’t hug back, but he let Hakyeon hug him comfortably until he was satisfied.

“Careful not to fall for each other again,” Taekwoon yelled from the kitchen. “And just to let you know, I’ll appreciate a little help here.”

Hakyeon pulled back from Hongbin and they both laughed. He was about to return to the kitchen but then Hongbin suddenly whispered to him.

“Hyung…”

“Hmmm?”

“Don’t try too hard. If we push them too much, they might just get hurt.”

It took a couple of seconds before Hakyeon realized that he was talking about Taekwoon and Sanghyuk. Before he could reply, Taekwoon called him again.

“Hakyeon-ah, I know it’s your birthday but since you’re still here, you’re not exempt from cleaning duty,” Taekwoon whined. “At least take down the decors if you don’t wanna wash the dishes.”

Hakyeon reluctantly stepped away from Hongbin, who just pursed a smile and nodded at him. He bit his lower lip as he went back to the kitchen to help Taekwoon.

Hongbin knew he was going to insist on talking about Sanghyuk and warned him to refrain from it. Hakyeon didn’t understand why, because he had a strong feeling that whatever it was between their two friends, the feeling was mutual.

Still, he decided to heed Hongbin’s advice - at least for the time being. After they finished cleaning up, the three of them sat together again at the living room, resting, with Hakyeon between the other two. Hongbin turned on the TV and put on a movie channel but none of them was really paying attention to the show. They just talked about each other’s work. Hakyeon also opened up a little about what really happened with both Jinki and Wongeun.

“That reminds me,” Taekwoon suddenly said. “I saw Wongeun recently.”

“Recently?” Hakyeon tried not to look too interested but he did feel a little disappointed that Taekwoon didn’t tell him about it sooner.

“We just passed each other by at the theater. He watched our musical in support of my co-actress,” Taekwoon replied. “But we did get to talk a little.”

“Talked about what?” There was no hiding Hakyeon’s curiosity now. It always intrigued him how his exes talk about him.

“We didn’t talk about you,” Taekwoon snorted and Hakyeon frowned, but it was a lie which he took back soon after.

“Okay, we did, but only in passing. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to tell him you’re back in Seoul so I just kinda passively responded to him. He...” He stared at Hakyeon for a moment before continuing.

“What did he say?” Hongbin asked, also curious.

“His company is staging a scandal.”

“What do you mean staging a scandal?”

“He was quite open back in uni and lot of people knew you guys dated. His popularity skyrocketed after his last drama but there are rumors within the industry about him being gay. So they’re faking a scandal with my co-actress to get rid of it.”

Hakyeon’s shoulders dropped, along with his heart. He hated that he wasn’t even in contact with Wongeun but their past was still causing trouble.

Taekwoon knocked on his head while Hongbin nudged his side with an elbow, both calling him stupid at tge same time. Hakyeon yelped in slight pain and a bit of shock. The two of them also looked at each other and chuckled, surprised that they did almost the same thing at the exact same moment.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Hongbin said. “You’re not the end-all, be-all of things.”

“It was Wongeun’s decision to date you openly so don’t blame yourself for it,” Taekwoon added.

Hakyeon half-sighed and put on a smile. Among his friends, Taekwoon and Hongbin probably knew him the best and could tell exactly what he was thinking just by looking at him - maybe partly because they were his exes who were the closest to him at some point. They were the ones Hakyeon was able to confide with the most (or at least as much as he let himself confide in anyone).

“You’re not the center of the universe. Problems don’t happen just because people get involved with you.” Despite the sass in Hongbin’s tone, his words were very comforting. “Whether it’s Lee Jinki or Lee Wongeun, they made their own choices and you are not to blame for any consequence they face for their decisions.”

“Besides, it seems to me like Wongeun was hoping you’ll know it’s fake through me. Otherwise, he had no reason to tell me the truth. He’s worried about you rather than blaming you for it.”

Hakyeon slipped a hand each around his two friends’ arms. “Thank you, Taekwoon… Hongbin… I’m really lucky to have you guys.”

He laughed at Hongbin’s obvious instinctive reaction to cringe. But Taekwoon just leaned back and slipped lazily down the couch as he yawned.

“Isn’t it weird because I dated both of you and now you’re like… the best of friends I have,” Hakyeon chuckled again. “I have quite a good taste, don’t I?”

“You’re probably my only ex who’s still friends with me,” Hongbin replied. “The rest all cheated on me.”

Hakyeon was about to react but then Taekwoon seconded the sentiment.

“Same here.”

Hongbin propped himself forward to look at Taekwoon. “Isn’t he your only ex? You haven’t dated anyone for as long as I’ve known you.”

Taekwoon just sighed. Hakyeon took it upon himself to answer. “He dated someone before me. Highschool, freshman year.”

“Really? I never knew.” Hongbin leaned back on the couch, but then he turned his head and stared at Hakyeon.

“Weren’t you in love with him since you were kids though?”

Hakyeon laughed, but he pulled his hands away from the other two’s arms in favor of fanning his face. Even though it was a long time ago and he didn’t mind talking about it, he still felt kind of embarrassed. “Oh I was heartbroken.”

“He didn’t talk to me for about two month after I started dating.” Taekwoon had the same blush on his face.

“I kind of got over it though. And I dated other guys for some time too. We didn’t date each other until junior year.”

“Hakyeon found out the jerk was cheating on me and he stormed up to him and slapped him on my behalf. Then he dragged me home and scolded me for one whole hour about it. But then he took care of me after that. We started dating four months after.”

“Wow, you guys have really interesting history.”

“So do you,” Taekwoon almost smirked at him. “I mean, you told Hakyeon to date Wongeun even when you still had feelings for him.”

Hakyeon’s head snapped towards Hongbin. “Is that true?”

Hongbin’s face flushed red this time. “That’s not… I’ve already moved on that time!”

“Yeah sure,” Taekwoon chuckled. Hakyeon smiled as well, but he patted Hongbin’s shoulder in comfort.

“You’re a really nice person, Binnie.”

“Whoever thought talking to your exes about past relationships was a good idea,” Hongbin scoffed, but the other two just smiled. The three of them sure was an unusual case of being close friends despite their history.

“Yeah, this is weird. I suddenly feel like I dated too much,” Hakyeon said through a yawn. He was starting to feel tired and sleepy so he leaned his head against Taekwoon’s shoulder.

“How come Taekwoon-hyung has not dated anybody else after you?”

There was a few seconds of awkward silence, and then Taekwoon suddenly pushed himself up, letting Hakyeon’s head fall and almost crash onto the seat. “We should go.” He tapped Hakyeon’s thigh and added, “I’ll drive you home.”

Hakyeon and Hongbin glanced at each other again. Taekwoon was still avoiding having to possibly talk about Sanghyuk.

Hongbin patted his forearm, urging him to go ahead. Hakyeon sighed but he nodded and followed Taekwoon, who had already made his way towards the door.

“Thanks for letting us use your place,” Taekwoon smiled at Hongbin as he and Hakyeon stepped out.

Hongbin hummed and smiled back. “I had no choice since Wonshik was too dumb to carry out the plan.” He then turned to Hakyeon, wishing him a happy birthday again before saying goodbye.

“We’re going opposite directions, you don’t have to drive me home,” Hakyeon said as he and Taekwoon walked out of the elevator.

“It’s fine,” was Taekwoon’s short answer.

For some reason, Hakyeon felt like Taekwoon suddenly closed himself off again. Suddenly so quiet again.

He didn’t speak again after asking Hakyeon for his exact address then keying it onto his navigation. Hakyeon felt slightly uncomfortable, not because of the silence but more because he was itching to talk about Sanghyuk. The only reason he decided to hold off was because Taekwoon obviously didn’t want to talk about it.

But Hakyeon couldn’t think of anything else to talk about at the moment. He noticed Taekwoon fidgeting, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel whenever they were waiting for the green light, biting his lower lip every now and then, and sighing each time he opened his mouth.

Finally, Taekwoon reached for one of the dashboard pockets, pulled out a small white envelope and handed it to Hakyeon.

“What’s this?” Hakyeon asked.

“Tickets to a contemporary dance troupe concert. I thought you’d want to watch. It’s for two so you can take a friend with you.”

“Oh, thanks. How much is it?”

“... It’s a gift.”

“You already gave me a gift though?”

“I bought that first.” Taekwoon’s voice was silent, almost as if he was only talking to himself. “But then Hyukkie suggested we buy the bluetooth speakers.”

“Thanks, Taekwoon,” Hakyeon smiled. “But now you’ve spent too much for me? Shouldn’t you just take these tickets and see the show for yourself? Maybe… take someone with you? Someone who’s also interested in dancing?” He didn’t mean to pry but he couldn’t help hinting a little at Sanghyuk.

“The schedule conflicts with my work.”

“I see,” Hakyeon replied. “I insist to pay you then.”

“It’s fine, really. I bought those for you.”

“You shouldn’t have paid for the speakers then.”

“It would have been too expensive for just Hongbin and Hyukkie.”

“You really couldn’t say no to Hyukkie, huh?” Hakyeon couldn’t help smiling fondly at him, but then it quickly faded when he saw the stiff expression on Taekwoon’s face.

“Hongbin’s ex,” Taekwoon started again, confusing Hakyeon at the sudden switch of topic.

“Which ex are we talking about?”

“The recent one. The guy you saw at the cafe.”

“What about him?”

Taekwoon took a deep breath, hesitant to continue. But he already started so Hakyeon wouldn’t let him just stop there.

“He loved Hongbin.”

Hakyeon frowned. “Did you know him?”

“Not really. Just met him a few times when they were still dating.”

“Well, seems like he didn’t love him enough because he cheat on Binnie.”

“Hongbin… was the first guy he dated.”

Hakyeon was getting confused. He couldn’t see where Taekwoon was going and why they were even talking about it. “So? Lack of dating experience doesn’t excuse - “

“No, he dated girls before. He believed himself to be straight before he fell for Hongbin.”

“That still doesn’t - ”

And then it clicked in Hakyeon’s head.

“Oh…”

Just like Han Sanghyuk.

“I heard he couldn’t come out to his parents so they kept urging him to date their friends’ daughter. At first he told Bin it was nothing and he just hung out with her to please his parents. But I guess he ended up dating the girl as well.”

“Hongbin doesn’t deserve a spineless cheater like him.” Hakyeon muttered, but it lacked his prior conviction, cautious of how Taekwoon could take it. He genuinely believed Sanghyuk was a better man than Hongbin’s asshole of an ex, but he understood now why Hongbin didn’t want to push them too hard and why Taekwoon seemed aloof with the topic. Still, Hakyeon knew Taekwoon opened this up because he was trying to indirectly talk about himself and Sanghyuk.

Sanghyuk may have some feelings for Taekwoon, enough for him to occasionally act jealous of Hakyeon, but was it enough for him to actually admit he liked a man after years of identifying as straight? Would he be able to come out to his family and friends? Especially those who were already teasing him for having a lot of gay friends?

“Taekwoon,” Hakyeon turned on his seat to face him. “I promise I won’t ask you anything else and I won’t tell you to do anything at all. I just want to hear it straight from you. Please answer me honestly.”

Taekwoon was silent but he probably knew what Hakyeon was going to ask.

“Do you still have a crush on Sanghyuk?”

Seconds, minutes go by without Taekwoon saying anything, but Hakyeon didn’t press on. He just stared worriedly at Taekwoon until finally, Taekwoon answered,

“No.”

Hakyeon sighed, disappointed.

But then Taekwoon added, “It’s no longer just a crush.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to update >_<  
> Please bear with me uwu

Hakyeon smiled when he saw Jaehwan’s name and photo on his screen, never missing the signature wink and finger heart.

“Hyung, did I wake you?”

“Nope. I’ve been awake for almost two hours now. What’s up?”

“I just finished my schedule and I’m officially done with promotions for the meantime. I have the next few days free! Do you wanna come over to my place and hang out? Or go somewhere? Anywhere?”

“You’ve been working all night? Shouldn’t you go to sleep first?”

“I would, but I wanted to ask you guys first. You doing anything today?”

Hakyeon smiled. Sweet little Jaehwan’s idol debut had mild success and he had been fairly busy but he always found time for his friends.

Classes were over for the semester so Hakyeon had a lot of free time, too. He woke up early that morning to practice what little ice skating he had learned over the semester. In the end, they agreed they could meet after Jaehwan got to nap a little and Hakyeon could skate for a few hours.

It was a good idea to wake up early so there was barely anyone else on the rink. Hakyeon considered himself a very good student but he did not like falling on his butt in front of other people. He spent about 30 minutes just practicing by himself before his instructor arrived and started their lessons.

Hakyeon loved dancing. A lot. But since teaching dance has become his job, there were a few times when he felt just a tiny bit sick and exhausted of what he was doing. He vaguely remembered the events that lead him to take up skating as a hobby, but he was glad he did. Learning how to dance on ice was more difficult than he thought it would be but he enjoyed skating just as much as he did dancing. It was a whole new approach to dance and it refreshed him, though technically, he hadn’t actually tried dancing yet. His busy life only allowed time for him to learn basic jumps and lunges but just the prospect of being able to do dance routines in the future excited him.

“Were you taking pictures of me?” Hakyeon glided towards the bleachers and smiled when he saw Hongbin with a camera on his hands.

“A few,” Hongbin leaned over the barrier to show his photos, the camera still hanging around his neck. “Always a good subject for photographs.”

“I’m flattered.”

“I meant skating, not you,” Hongbin smirked.

Hakyeon pouted and punched his arm lightly. “I love them though. Send me copies,” He smiled again as he browsed through the photos, too occupied to notice how close their faces were.

“Sure thing.”

“What are you doing here, by the way?”

“Jaehwan-hyung called and asked to meet here.”

“He did?” Hakyeon stood back and stared at Hongbin. It had only been a little over two hours since he talked to Jaehwan, and while it was enough for his skating lessons, it definitely couldn’t have been enough for Jaehwan to sleep. He turned his head to glance at his instructor, who smiled back at him as she packed up. He waved goodbye to her before getting off the ice and climbing onto the bleachers to sit beside Hongbin. They were done for the day but Hakyeon was planning to stay for a bit more despite the soreness of his feet. But since Hongbin was there, resting on the bleachers for a bit wouldn’t be so bad.

“Is he coming?” Hakyeon asked about Jaehwan. “He’s barely slept though, if he did at all.”

“He said he’ll nap for an hour and then come here. We can go have brunch somewhere.”

Hakyeon unfastened his skates to let his feet breath but he did not completely take them off yet. His sneakers were at his locker and he didn’t feel like getting up to change just yet. “Jaehwan’s naps are never shorter than an hour.”

“Yeah. Although he’s been having difficulty sleeping lately, so I don’t know.”

Hakyeon sighed. “Celebrity life is hard, huh? I hope he’ll be able to get enough rest now that his promotions are over.”

They just chatted for a while, catching up with how they have been doing. Hongbin also hesitated, but eventually asked why Hakyeon suddenly seemed so quiet about Taekwoon and Sanghyuk.

"You told me not to push them too hard. I think you're right."

"Did Taekwoon-hyung tell you something?" Hongbin asked curiously.

"Yeah. Not much though. We really can't do anything unless Sanghyuk opens up first. I've been trying to encourage him but he's a stubborn kid. Have you tried talking to him about it?"

"Nah," Hongbin sighed. "I used to tease him from time to time but I realized maybe I was making it harder for him."

"So do you think he really has feelings for Taekwoon?"

"I'm probably as confused as Hyuk is. Sometimes I think he might have, other times I think he's just being a good friend. I've always wanted to ask seriously but I honestly don't think I should be the one talking to him about these things. You're way better dealing with sensitive stuff like this."

Hakyeon glanced at him, remembering what Taekwoon told him about Hongbin's ex. He decided against talking about it so he just stretched his arms and cracked his neck. "Did Jaehwan call them too?".

"Taek-hyung has work and Sanghyuk went home for the semestral break."

Hakyeon sighed subtly. But then he looked at Hongbin again and smiled. “Since you’re here early, would you like to skate?”

“No,” Hongbin’s brows visibly furrowed under his fringe. “I just came early for photographs. I was out taking photos at the park when hyung called.”

“Just try it.” Hakyeon laughed when Hongbin frowned even more, with slight panic on his face.

“No, thanks. Really,” he emphasized with resistance, but Hakyeon had this look on his face. Hongbin knew that look too well to know that Hakyeon wouldn’t take no for an answer. Still, he couldn’t just say yes.

“I don’t have skates!”

“They let you rent per hour.”

“My camera - ”

“There’s space in my locker if your don’t want to leave your things here.”

“I can’t skate, okay?!”

“I’m here to help you.” Hakyeon.

“I don’t care. I don’t wanna fall and be all sore afterwards.”

Hakyeon suddenly reached for Hongbin’s hand and squeezed it lightly. “I won’t let you fall,” he said with a wink.

Hongbin stiffened for a second as he stared at Hakyeon.

There was an irony in that statement with the way Hakyeon was being unintentionally flirty with Hongbin - the very same way he used to be before Hongbin fell for him. It almost flew over Hakyeon’s head. Almost.

He withdrew his hand and pursed a smile, pointedly turning his gaze back towards the rink. “It’s really fun, you should try it.”

Hongbin stayed stunned for a few more seconds until he couldn’t help but chuckle. “After all this time, only now are you going to act all awkward with me?”

“I’m not-”

"I know.” Hakyeon let himself get cut off as Hongbin stood up. “And I know you won’t shut up about it so I might as well try now before Jaehwan-hyung arrives.”

Hakyeon grinned at him before fastening his skates back and following Hongbin towards the skate rental booth, and they then headed to the lockers to leave Hongbin's things. He could still see the reluctance on Hongbin’s face as the latter rather begrudgingly struggled to walk towards the rink.

Hongbin paused right at the entrance, counting the number of people who would possibly see him fall once he stepped on the ice. There were at least 15 people inside the rink and then a few others on the bleachers.

“I can’t believe I spent money just to humiliate myself.”

Hakyeon just kept giggling at him. “That’s exactly what I said before too, but don’t worry. I promise I’ll help you. If you fall more than three times, I’m gonna treat you to lunch.”

“You better,” Hongbin sighed as he finally stepped onto the ice.

It wasn’t as hard as Hongbin thought it would be, but it wasn’t as easy as Hakyeon thought either. Hakyeon already got the basics down and he had forgotten how much he struggled in the beginning. Hongbin only ever had a little experience playing with roller blades as a child, but that barely helped to keep his ankles straight. He had no problem standing by the edge of the rink but as soon as Hakyeon pulled him to glide over, he started clinging tightly onto his arm.

He glared at Hakyeon the first time he fell over. There were a couple of giggling girls skating adjacent who seemed to have been watching them for a while. Hongbin blushed as he threatened to get off the ice, but Hakyeon just chuckled as he apologized for his slip up. They kept skating for a bit more and Hongbin, despite his continuous whining, managed to properly glide around without holding on to Hakyeon as much. He did fall a second time before Jaehwan arrived and they finally decided to get off the rink. Jaehwan waved energetically at them as they stepped out.

“Ahhh I’m envious. I want to go on a skating date with Wonshik too,” he whined as they walked out.

Both Hongbin and Hakyeon decided to brush off the implication of his statement, neither feeling the need to emphasize that they were not on a skating “date”. They were comfortable in each other’s company and they knew it was just harmless teasing from Jaehwan.

“Where is Wonshik?” Hakyeon asked.

“In his studio, probably,” Jaehwan pouted, his lips thinning as he clung onto Hakyeon’s arm. “He didn’t answer my call this morning, so he was either sleeping or still working on something. We haven’t really seen each other in a while now.”

Hakyeon squinted at him. “Well, now you have time to see him, right?”

“I always have time to see him. It’s him who buries himself with more work than he can handle.” Jaehwan pouted even more.

Hakyeon had to wonder just how much cuter he could get each time he pouted. It was rare for Jaehwan to sound bitter and sulky though, so he held his hand in comfort. It was Hongbin who voiced out the question. “Is everything all right between you guys?”

“Yeah… I just… miss him a lot.”

Now both Hakyeon and Hongbin paused and glanced at each other before staring at Jaehwan, who then realized he must have sounded really sad and suddenly grinned widely at them.

“Let’s go raid his studio and drag him out for lunch!”

Just as they expected, Wonshik was hunched over a pile of papers, pressing buttons on his panel with huge headphones over his head. He didn’t hear them knock nor notice them come in after Jaehwan just pulled the door open.

Jaehwan’s shoulders dropped as he stared at Wonshik’s back with yet another pout. His gaze then turned to the handphone on the table, screen facing down and likely on silent mode.

“Yah, Kim Wonshik!” Hongbin called, a little too loud to sound natural, but Wonshik didn’t hear him anyway. The slap on Wonshik’s back was resounding as Hongbin awkwardly greeted and pulled him from his working trance. Meanwhile Hakyeon still held Jaehwan’s hand as they approached the other two.

“What are you doing here?” Wonshik pulled down his headphones and stared wide-eyed at Hongbin. “How did you even get in?” It took a few more seconds before he realized there were other people in the room and of course it was Jaehwan who let them in to his studio. He quickly turned towards his screen again and minimized everything, leaving only his desktop wallpaper on display - naturally a picture of him and Jaehwan together.

“I called you earlier,” Jaehwan smiled, but it lacked the energy he usually had. Wonshik almost grabbed his phone to check, but he decided to reach for Jaehwan’s hand instead.

“Sorry, I was busy working on a song.” He kissed the back of Jaehwan’s fingers before standing up and placing an arm around him. Hakyeon stepped back to give them more space.

“It’s been hours since hyung called. How long have you been working?”

The surprise was very apparent on Wonshik’s face as he looked at the wall clock, realizing what time it was already. Jaehwan sighed and slipped his hands around his waist, leaning in to nuzzle on his neck before burying his face onto Wonshik’s shoulder.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Wonshik replied as he hugged Jaehwan close.

Hakyeon and Hongbin made similarly awkward expressions as they just stood there, not knowing what to do. It wasn’t new to see their friends be intimate and mushy with each other, but it was a first for them to sense some tension between the usually sugar-sweet lovers.

“So uhh,” Hakyeon scratched the back of his neck. “Are you done working? Let’s go grab some lunch.”

“Uhhh,” Wonshik pulled back from Jaehwan a little, not completely letting go, as Jaehwan still clung to him as well. “I’m just trying to finish this-”

Jaehwan pouted, pulling the cutest pleading face he could do. “Come with us, please.”

“You guys can go ahead, I’ll catch up as soon as I’m do-”

“No!” Jaehwan whined. “If we leave you, you’ll lose track of time again and not show up.”

_Again_ \- Hakyeon noted. He and Hongbin found themselves glancing at each other for the Nth time that day. It seems this has been an ongoing issue between Jaehwan and Wonshik.

“Wow, I didn’t know producers are busier than idols,” Hongbin intended it as a joke, but Jaehwan’s response made him regret it.

“Exactly! It’s not like he’s chasing deadlines right now! And where are your crew when you’ve been working all night?”

“They only help me with editing and finishing touches. You know I do most of the writing on my own. And Haven't you been working all night as well?"

Jaehwan’s expression didn’t change nor did he answer the question. He just stared at Wonshik, half upset and half pleading.

Wonshik sighed. “Why don’t you guys order up and eat here? It’s my treat. I just really wanna finish this one.”

“I came here to spend time with you, not to watch your back while you work.”

Hongbin nudged Hakyeon and mouthed for him to intervene, but even Hakyeon was at a loss for words - not a good sign since Hakyeon almost always had words for everything.

"30 minutes," Wonshik said. "You go ahead with Hakyeon-hyung and grab some lunch. I swear I'll catch up to you. Leave Hongbin with me, he'll make sure I don't take longer than 30 minutes."

Jaehwan frowned. Obviously, that wasn't what he wanted, but it was a compromise that he could maybe accept.

Wonshik pulled him close, gave him a peck on the cheek and whispered something onto his ear. Hongbin and Hakyeon just shrugged at each other, neither complaining about why they didn't have a say on what they were supposed to do.

Hakyeon tried his best to cheer the obviously sulking Jaehwan after they left the studio, but it barely helped. He kept suggesting where to eat but in between sighs and pouts, Jaehwan only responded to him with one-liners.

Finally, Hakyeon told him to drive back home, which made Jaehwan stare at him in confusion.

"Let's just go to your place and order for lunch delivery. That way you can rest while we wait for Wonshik and Hongbin." He smiled gently.

"I… okay," Jaehwan answered. He looked like he felt a little bad, but he didn't say anything else as Hakyeon chose where and what to order for them. He also took care of calling the restaurant and letting Hongbin know where they were going while Jaehwan drove silently.

"Sorry, hyung. I called you to hang out today but I'm being like this," Jaehwan said when they arrived at his place.

Hakyeon smiled, ever so gently, as he reached over to touch Jaehwan's hand.

"Don't worry about it," he said. "Why don't you nap a little and I'll wake you up when Wonshik arrives?"

"I feel restless," Jaehwan sighed. With that, Hakyeon pulled him by the hand and led him to sit on the couch. He slipped a hand behind Jaehwan's neck and gently pulled to let him lay his head on his shoulder. Jaehwan responded by wrapping an arm around Hakyeon's waist and holding his other hand which rested on his lap.

"Wonshik is a busybody, but you know he cares a lot about you, right?"

Jaehwan hummed. "Yeah. It's just frustrating sometimes. I get busy with my job too. I may not be that famous yet, but I make myself available for him no matter how hectic it gets. He basically never goes out anymore! Now I know how you felt back when Hongbin locked himself up in his studio."

Hakyeon pulled back a little and stared at him, eyebrows furrowing a little. "Why is it suddenly about me and Hongbin?"

"Sorry, I just meant... Well, Hongbin and Wonshik are just so similar, no wonder they're bestfriends. They're both stubborn. Hongbin shifted out of business despite his father's wrath and Wonshik dropped out completely. Wonshik has this really strong need to prove himself to everyone, much like how Hongbin wanted to prove himself to his father."

Hakyeon nodded a little. "They work too hard, don't they?"

"Yeah. And I completely understand why, but sometimes, they forget that they're not alone and that there are people who care about them and they don't have to take on everything alone!" Jaehwan's voice was suddenly louder, his frustrations coming out in one rant. "They keep forgetting about us!"

Hakyeon wanted to say something wise and comforting, but he really couldn't think of anything. After all, how Jaehwan felt was exactly how he felt back when he was dating Hongbin.

"They have a better relationship with their goddamn studios than they have with us," Jaehwan toned down a little, but he ended his sentence with a pout as he leaned against Hakyeon's shoulder again.

"Had," Hakyeon couldn't help but clarify. "Hongbin and I are long over." He ran a hand through Jaehwan's hair and kept playing with the soft strands as he continued, "But you and Wonshik are different and I'm sure you can work this out."

"The only difference is that I don't have a Lee Wongeun to fall for."

Hakyeon frowned, his hand falling onto Jaehwan's shoulder a bit too heavy. "I didn't dump Hongbin for Wongeun. We just broke up. Technically, he was the one who broke up with me and I was dumped."

Jaehwan pulled back and stared at him. "Yeah, but everyone knows the story, hyung. Hongbin wouldn't have broken up with you if he didn't think - if he didn't know you didn't feel the same way for him any longer. He probably wanted to save face instead of waiting for you to dump him or worse, cheat on him."

"I never would have cheated on him!"

"Of course, hyung, I know you would never do that," Jaehwan almost smiled, but then he looked at Hakyeon straight in the eyes and seriously - very sincerely asked, "but tell me honestly, how many times did it cross your mind to just forget everything and go kiss Wongeun while you were still dating Hongbin?"

Hakyeon looked away. It was true it crossed his mind a couple of times. "Just because I thought of it doesn't mean I would act on it."

"If you did, you wouldn't be friends with him right now." Jaehwan leaned back then sighed again. "Sorry, hyung. I didn't mean to offend you or anything. It's just that lately, I've been thinking a lot about me and Wonshik so you and Hongbin keep coming to mind."

Hakyeon sighed as well. He faced Jaehwan again and also leaned his head against the couch. As they lay staring at each other, he couldn't help but see himself in Jaehwan.

"If you had," Hakyeon asked. "If you had someone like Wongeun, do you think you'd leave Wonshik?"

"I can't." Jaehwan shook his head immediately. "I love him way too much. You know I've loved him since way back, even when I knew he liked someone else. I can't just give up on him."

Hakyeon smiled. "Even if he works too much?"

"I guess it's easier to compete with his studio than with Taekwoon-hyung." Jaehwan shrugged, his eyelids slowly fluttering until he closed his eyes completely. He squirmed a little and made himself comfortable on the couch. "He's not that bad," he said through a yawn. "Even if he forgot it's our anniversary today."

Hakyeon jerked up from the couch and was about to ask, but he realized Jaehwan was already falling asleep. It had been over 20 minutes since they left Hongbin and Wonshik at his studio so he decided to call Hongbin. He stood up and walked towards the kitchen, making sure he was out of earshot.

"Please tell me you already left the studio."

"Uhhh… We're still here, hyung."

Hakyeon groaned, glancing at Jaehwan's sleeping form. "You better make sure Wonshik has something up his sleeve for their anniversary."

"Actually, we could use a little help..."

~~~

When Jaehwan woke up, Hakyeon was the first person he saw. Their lunch arrived some time after Jaehwan fell asleep and was already arranged on the living room table, but Hakyeon got up to reheat something on the microwave. He smiled at Jaehwan but didn't say anything when the latter noticeably looked around the place but found no Hongbin or Wonshik.

"Whatever happened to thirty minutes," he frowned, looking at the clock. "It's been more than an hour already."

"Let's eat first." Hakyeon pulled out a plate of chicken from the microwave and brought it back to the table.

"I wanted to eat with them," Jaehwan sulked.

Hakyeon sighed subtly, checking his phone again. As if on cue, he received a message from Hongbin.

"Hongbin says sorry they didn't make it in 30 minutes," Hakyeon delivered the message.

"I'm not surprised with Wonshik but I'm disappointed with Lee Hongbin. I trusted him to keep Shikkie in check."

"They're on their way," Hakyeon added. "Let's just eat. I know you're hungry." He didn't start eating though. Instead he asked where Jaehwan's speaker was. "Can we play some music? I've been itching to play something but I didn't wanna wake you."

"Oh, you could have just said so earlier." Jaehwan helped him connect his phone before finally picking up a pair of chopsticks, still with a heavy heart. An unfamiliar melody started playing, but he barely paid attention to Hakyeon's music taste so he figured it was one of those songs only Hakyeon knew.

"How long are they gonna take because I can wait until - "

Jaehwan froze when he heard Wonshik's voice - his singing voice which was slightly different from his speaking voice but there's no mistaking it. He's heard that voice too many times from Wonshik's demo CDs and unreleased ballads. But he definitely has never heard this love song.

Jaehwan snapped his gaze towards Hakyeon while trying his best to still be attentive to the lyrics despite his shock and confusion. Hakyeon just smiled at him. And then the doorbell rang.

"That's probably them."

Jaehwan ran towards the door, eagerly pulling it open until he was face to face with a giant stuffed corgi doll. Wonshik peaked from behind, greeting him for their anniversary.

"Happy Anniversary! Sorry, I'm late?" Wonshik said, his eyebrows curving up like not very confident Jaehwan would forgive him this time.

Jaehwan bit his lower lip, his eyes slightly tearing up. He didn't say anything just yet and just kept listening to the song while staring at his boyfriend. It wasn't hip-hop or pop like Wonshik's usual works. It was a soft ballad, obviously dedicated to Jaehwan. It was apologizing for taking so long to recognize his feelings for him, for ignoring Jaehwan at some point, and for always being holed up in his studio.

Just when Jaehwan was about to speak, Wonshik suddenly sang along, his voice not as smooth the recorded version, slightly stuttering as he handed the corgi doll over to Hakyeon so he could hold Jaehwan's hand. He sang of his love for Jaehwan, and how thankful he was for everything.

Jaehwan stepped closer. "I hate you," he muttered while crying onto Wonshik's shoulder.

"I'm sorry." Wonshik kissed the top of his head and embraced him gently. Jaehwan suddenly seemed buffer than he remembered, but they still fit perfectly together.

"Was this what you were working on?" Jaehwan pulled back, still all pouty and teary.

"Yeah. I've always felt sorry that the first song I wrote for you that you heard was kind of aggressive and… uhhh…"

"Dirty?" Hongbin supplied. He was standing by the door, holding his camera and probably capturing the moment.

Wonshik glared at him while Hakyeon hushed him and pulled him over to the counter, setting the giant stuffed toy down on the couch.

Jaehwan giggled. "I liked that song. Not the most romantic way of getting together, but if I didn't find it, where would we be now?"

"I wrote this one first," Wonshik confessed. "The moment I realized I liked you more than I thought I did, I just scribbled this song down and hoped to give it to you someday. I just never had the courage to do it, and ever since we got together, I've been re-writing it over and over again."

"Re-writing? Why?"

"You're just too special and it just never felt like it was good enough. I didn't want to give you something I wasn't satisfied with. I wanted to finish it before today as gift, but it obviously took a while to finish. I'm sorry to keep you waiting."

"It's beautiful, Wonshik," Jaehwan smiled. "That doesn't mean I forgive you for not taking my call or being late, but I love it." He leaned over to kiss Wonshik on the cheek. "And I love you."

"I hate to ruin the moment," Hongbin suddenly spoke. "But can we eat now? I'm starving."

Hakyeon hissed at him. "Couldn't you have waited a little longer?"

"I've waited enough," Hongbin sniggered. "You weren't the one sitting at Wonshik's studio waiting for him to finish his song, y'know?" He went to pick a piece of chicken. Hakyeon slapped his hand away and told him to wash first.

Jaehwan pulled back and wiped his face clean. "I'm hungry too."

"I'm really sorry to keep you guys waiting," Wonshik said as they all sat around the table.

"It's fine. Just please don't feed each other or I'm gonna throw up," Hongbin said, his mouth already half-full with chicken.

"Shut up and let them enjoy the moment!"

"I can't be the only one feeling awkward that we're celebrating the anniversary of them fucking in Wonshik's studio, am I?"

Hakyeon ruthlessly shoved a couple of side dishes into his mouth to shut him up. "It's awkward if you think of it like that. Geez, can't you be a little more romantic?"

Hongbin almost choked, making Jaehwan laugh at him. "Aww look at you two. You're the one feeding each other!"

It took a while before Hongbin finished chewing and got to speak again, whining at Hakyeon for being mean, at Jaehwan for laughing, and at Wonshik for being a dumb workaholic.

"You're one to talk," Wonshik told him. "You used to be just like me!"

"Used to be!" Hongbin repeated. "Not anymore!"

"If you still have your own studio, I bet you'd never come out either. You'll either be developing a whole building's worth of photos or streaming on twitch."

"Wrong. I'd have to go out and take photos every now and then."

Hakyeon and Jaehwan glanced at each other while the other two continued bantering. Hakyeon smiled, mouthing to ask Jaehwan if he was happy, to which the latter nodded with a smile.

"Thanks, hyung," he whispered, too.

After eating, Jaehwan asked them if they wanted to go somewhere else, but they all decided to stay home and watch a movie together. They let Hongbin choose, as he insisted to make sure there's no sensual or even slightly suggestive scene on whatever they would watch. Jaehwan and Wonshik may be a couple but he and Hakyeon were not and he didn't want to make it awkward.

They played some drinking games during and after the movie too, with Wonshik and Hakyeon ending up drunk and Jaehwan slightly tipsy.

At the end of the day, Jaehwan offered to let them sleepover but both Hakyeon and Hongbin refused.

"We don't wanna wake up to something we'd rather not see," Hakyeon giggled.

"Definitely not." Hongbin seconded.

"Okay, but make sure Hakyeon-hyung gets home safely, okay?"

"I'm all right~~ I can go home alone~" Hakyeon sing-songed, still being all giggly while trying not to trip on his feet.

Hongbin sighed, but he nodded and promised Jaehwan he'd take Hakyeon home. They took a cab because Hakyeon could barely walk straight and Hongbin didn't want to drag him all the way through the subway or bus. He did quiet down and stopped giggling halfway through their ride, though Hongbin kept muttering complaints about him being heavy and annoying.

Just before they reached Hakyeon's building, Hongbin noticed he was crying silently while staring outside the window.

"Are you okay?"

"Hmm?" Hakyeon turned his head to face him. It seemed like he didn't realize tears had been falling from his eyes. When he did, he clumsily wiped his face with the back of his hand.

"Yeah," he answered. "I just suddenly thought how I missed talking to Jaehwan, and hanging out with you and Wonshik."

"You've been back for a while now and you still miss us?"

Hakyeon took a deep breath but he tried to mask it with more giggles. "I guess the longing never goes away. I don't know how I managed to live through a year without you guys. It was really lonely."

"Hey," Hongbin shifted in his seat. He contemplated touching Hakyeon or pulling him close but he suddenly felt awkward. So instead he kept his hands to himself and stared at the road. "Remember this, okay? If you ever feel like things are too difficult for you, if you ever feel lost again, you can come to us. We might not be of much help but we'll be by your side."

Hakyeon grinned at him.

"Hongbin…"

"Yes?" Hongbin glanced at him.

Hakyeon shook his head and sighed. After talking to Jaehwan, he suddenly felt really bad about how they broke up. He was sure they've both moved on and he really enjoyed the comfort of being friends in the present. But somehow, he suddenly felt guilty. He wanted to apologize again, but he wasn't sure if bringing up something from years back would be a good idea. There had been too many awkward moments between them that day already.

"Nevermind."

Hongbin didn't insist on asking. They both kept quiet for the remainder of their trip. By the time they reached Hakyeon's building, Hakyeon had sobered up a little, enough to be able to get off the cab on his own.

Hongbin still insisted on walking him up to his unit though, just to make sure he goes in all right.

Hakyeon had been to his apartment a couple of times already, but it was his first time going to Hakyeon's, so he was hesitant when he was invited to come in. He did feel like he needed to pee so he came in anyway.

"Would you like some tea? Or water? I don't know if I still have tea."

"I… I'm fine. I could use the toilet though," Hongbin replied. Hakyeon walked him towards the corner, but he tripped over his carpet and fell over.

Hongbin chuckled. "Karma for letting me fall on the ice this morning?"

Hakyeon pouted at him. He rubbed his elbow and checked if he got any bruise and then just laid on the carpet after seeing there was none. He suddenly felt so tired.

"Bathroom's over there," he just pointed to the direction they were going.

Hongbin shrugged and stepped over to the side, leaving Hakyeon on the floor to proceed to the bathroom. When he got out though, Hakyeon was still on the floor, seeming like he already dozed off.

"Hyung, you can't sleep there."

Hakyeon didn't budge. So with a heavy sigh, Hongbin took it upon himself to pull Hakyeon up, hooking his hands under his armpits and dragging him towards the bed. He let Hakyeon lean against the bedframe and then sat in front of him, trying to wake him up again.

"Hyung, wake up. Get on the bed. I'm not gonna lift you up." He tapped Hakyeon's cheeks, but the latter just kept breathing softly against his hand.

"If you don't wake up I'm gonna slap you."

He pinched Hakyeon's cheek instead of slapping, but all it did was pull Hakyeon towards himself, his head falling against Hongbin's chest.

Hakyeon opened his eyes a little, but closed them again with a sigh. "I'm tired."

"I know. So sleep on the bed. I'm tired too, you know?"

"Help me."

Hongbin hissed. But he got up and tried to pull Hakyeon with him. "Seriously, why are you so bad at drinking games?"

Thankfully, Hakyeon was already half awake and moved his muscles along with Hongbin's help. He let himself fall to his side as soon as he felt the mattress under his butt.

"Thanks."

"Hey, it's not free. You owe me, okay?"

Hakyeon grinned.

"Maybe I'll treat you to lunch after all."

"Yeah, and next time, don't get drunk." Hongbin nagged, but a small hint of smile was on his lips. Just as he was about to leave, Hakyeon called him again.

"Hongbin?"

Hongbin crouched beside the bed and squinted at him. His eyes were closed again, but it didn't seem like he was sleep talking.

"Are you still there?"

"Yes, I'm here."

"Have we done this before?"

"Done what?"

"This." Hakyeon blindly stretched out a hand. Hongbin took it into his own hands by instinct. He frowned upon realizing what he's done. Was Hakyeon sleep talking after all?

"You taking care of me when I'm drunk. I don't know if it was a dream… but just now, I suddenly had memories of you helping me wash my face and tucking me in bed."

"Oh…" Hongbin's grip loosened around Hakyeon's hand.

"I've never had those memories before. But they feel so real. I just can't remember."

"First sem on your third year, I think? There was this party you went to and I was supposed to pick you up, but you got too drunk and didn't call me."

"Hmmm… The univ film festival?"

"Yeah."

Hakyeon opened his eyes wide - quite sudden that it shocked Hongbin.

"You didn't come though? Wongeun took me home."

"He did," Hongbin bit his lower lip. He felt his face burning as Hakyeon still stared wide-eyed at him. "I just went to your place to check on you after Jaehwan-hyung told me he took you home. You were passed out on the couch so I tried to transfer you to your bed but you woke up and insisted on washing your face because sleeping with makeup on is bad for your skin." Hongbin chuckled at the memory. It was very typical of Hakyeon to care so much about his appearance back then.

But Hakyeon's expression didn't change. He just stared at Hongbin. Grip tightening around his tiny hand.

"Hongbin, I didn't know… Why didn't you tell me?"

Hongbin shrugged.

"Bin, I'm so sorr-"

"Don't!" Hongbin cut him off quickly. "Please don't apologize to me."

"But-"

"Hyung, while I was watching Wonshik at his studio today, I realized something. Patiently waiting for him to finish whatever he was doing was really hard. He didn't even talk to me or spare me a glance while maniacally scribbling notes and pressing buttons on his computer. It was very frustrating."

He held Hakyeon's hand again and then gently put it down on the mattress. "I waited for less than an hour, but Jaehwan-hyung has probably waited for him much longer. I'm sure you could also tell, from the very moment we saw Jaehwan-hyung this morning, just how sad and ignored he felt."

"Hongbin,"

"I felt so sorry for him, and then I felt sorry for you. Wonshik even said so, I used to be just like him."

Hakyeon clutched the bedsheet under his hand. He had been thinking of apologizing again because of the things Jaehwan said. He didn't think Hongbin felt the same after being with Wonshik.

"I know you've always felt guilty about Wongeun and you've apologized so many times before even though you didn't really do anything wrong. I've told you it wasn't your fault… but I don't think I have ever truly apologized to you."

Hakyeon pushed himself up to sit on the bed. "You didn't do anything wrong either."

"I did," Hongbin looked down. "I pushed you away. I could have told you why I was working so hard. I could have told you about my plans to shift courses. I could have accepted when you offered to help me, and spend time with me. I could have been honest with you about how I really felt about Wongeun or your other friends."

"I'm sure it was hard for you to tell me."

"As it was for you to guess what was going on through my mind. I'm sorry I let my insecurities get ahead of me. I'm sorry I kept so much from you and pushed you away. I'm sorry things ended the way they did."

"Well…" Hakyeon scratched his head. "I'd say it's all in the past and there's nothing to apologize for now, but since you're so sincere about it, I'll accept everything you just said." He smiled and then patted Hongbin's head, then ruffled his hair. "Thanks, Binnie."

Hongbin scowled as he turned his head away and fixed his hair. "We're good now, aren't we? Let's not talk about this again," He chuckled stiffly as he stood up.

Hakyeon giggled. "You're cute when you're embarrassed."

"I'm not cute! And I'm not embarrassed but I like being friends with you, okay? I don't want us to ever not be friends again. It's boring when you're not around."

"Me too," Hakyeon smiled. He stretched out a hand again. "Let's be friends forever, Lee Hongbin."

"Friends, yeah."

Hongbin shyly smiled back at him and shook his hand.

"You still owe me that lunch though."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's always good to have a great friend during the ups and downs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING on a bit of angst (I mean this whole fic is angst anyway). Things get a bit intense in the middle bec of homophobia. I hope you all bear with me. This is as intense as it gets.
> 
> Also apparently I can't write a chapter below 4k anymore >_<  
> I swear I'm gonna try harder next time lol

The new semester started very busy for Hakyeon. Since his proposal for a collaborative charity event was approved by his headmaster, he had been sending out proposals to other interested universities. He already gave them a heads up before the previous semester ended so most of those which intended to participate already considered the schedule and budget for the event.

“That was bold,” Minhyuk told him while they were working on the papers. “I mean, what would you have done if it other unis approved and our own did not?”

“I would have went ahead with it as a personal project,” Hakyeon just smiled. “The beneficiary is a foundation that’s very close to my heart so I would have done anything I could to help them.”

“Hands down, saint Hakyeon,” Minhyuk chuckled.

“I am not a saint,” Hakyeon replied pointedly, but smiled at the teasing. He greatly appreciate Minhyuk’s help with the project. In addition to organizing the event, Hakyeon was also starting to look up and prepare for a masteral degree which he needed to get a tenure at the university. Plus, he still had to plan his classes. This required him to work overtime more often than he used to, which also meant less time to hang out with his friends. On his free days, he usually took the liberty to just rest in his apartment, but even then, he still had to make or take some calls for his project.

Unexpectedly, even Hongbin got in touch with him about it, sending a text very late one Friday night to ask him about it.

Hakyeon tilted his head as he read the text. He would love to tell Hongbin about everything he was doing but he had a long day and he was really tired. It took all his remaining energy to keep his eyes open and type a reply for them to just meet the next day. He did not expect that by saying that, Hongbin would be at his door at eight o’clock the next morning.

“Dammit, Binnie, what are you doing here so early?” Hakyeon rubbed his eyes as he opened the door. Normally, he would have woken up as soon as the sun rose, but for the past two weeks, he had been taking the most of his weekends to sleep.

“Uhhh.. Sorry? You said ‘Ok’ last night tho?” Hongbin looked apologetic, but he walked himself inside and went straight to the couch anyway. He pulled out his phone and showed the receipts. Hakyeon must have fallen asleep without reading Hongbin’s text asking if 8am was all right and just accidentally sent an OK sticker.

“Oh… I honestly don’t remember sending that,” he said through another yawn and then shrugged. “I’d offer you coffee except I don’t have any here.”

“It’s fine, hyung,” Hongbin smiled. “I actually brought some breakfast, to compensate for the trouble,” he said as he lifted a brown paper bag to the table which Hakyeon didn’t even realize he was carrying.

Hakyeon’s senses slowly awakened as he smelled the tasty aroma of freshly baked cinnamon bread. Hongbin also pulled out a tumbler from his backpack. “I know you don’t drink coffee, so I hope hot chocolate is all right.”

“Very much all right,” Hakyeon smiled. He went to the kitchen quickly to get mugs for both of them and then returned to sit beside Hongbin, not really realizing he hasn’t even combed his hair or at least washed his face since he was woken up by Hongbin’s arrival.

Hongbin didn’t really mind. He had seen Hakyeon in such a state many times before, when they used to wake up next to each other on a weekend getaway or after pulling an all-nighter for their study sessions. Only this time, he felt a bit sorry for interrupting Hakyeon’s sleep.

“Really sorry for coming so early. I have to go home today because of my mom’s birthday.”

“Oh, you’re going home? So you’re seeing your dad?” Hakyeon asked curiously. As far as he knew, they still weren’t in good terms since the whole shifting out of course thing.

“Well, yeah… But anyway,” he put down his mug of hot chocolate and pulled out a small notebook and a pen from his bag. “Our company has been doing well and our CEO is looking for additional CSRs that we can donate to and possibly write about. I remembered you mentioned a charity event, so I thought I’d pitch it.”

“Cool! That’s really nice of you!” 

Hongbin just smiled, so Hakyeon took it as a sign to keep talking. “The foundation mostly teaches kids whose families can’t afford to send them to school. They also take in a few orphans, or those who were rescued from abusive families and let them live in the school dorm. They teach basic subjects like a normal school, but they also give special attention to extra-curricular classes. I went there specifically to teach dancing, but I also taught elementary reading and language.”

Hakyeon continued to talk about the foundation and explain his project for a fund-raising concert over breakfast while Hongbin diligently took notes. Initially, his plan was just to tap art and performance universities to have their students perform, sell, and watch the event. Somehow, the project just kept growing and even though it was hard to get financial donations, he managed to get great discounts for venues and other logistics. He also managed to get Jaehwan for a pro bono performance and to check with his management if they were willing to send other idols for the event.

“That’s great! It would be easier to get this featured on the news if idols are involved.” Hongbin closed his notebook. He got all the information he needed and this was now off the record. “Lee Jinki... You met through the same concert last year, right? Would they come to perform again?”

Hakyeon pursed his lips. “I didn’t think about that, but since they came last year, I should probably check if they want to do it again.”

Hongbin leaned back on the couch while Hakyeon finished his drink. “What about Lee Wongeun? He could host the event.”

The hot chocolate wasn’t really that hot anymore, but Hakyeon felt a slight burn on his tongue and almost choked. That really was a decent suggestion but he couldn’t help but glare at Hongbin.

“You’re telling me to invite Jinki and Wongeun to the same event that you would be covering and Taekwoon could also possibly be watching?”

“Hey, nothing personal!” Hongbin chuckled as he crossed his arms. “I’m just saying, you have lots of great connections, so why not utilize them for charity?”

“I don’t think I wanna use those connections just yet,” Hakyeon looked at him pointedly. “You and Taekwoon are fine, but the four of you… in one place… I think I’ll combust! Besides, it wouldn’t be good for Wongeun to be seen with me right now if he’s trying to kill the rumors about him.”

“Ahhh, good point,” Hongbin tilted his head, like he was really thinking deep into it. “Then again, you can just say the rumors just exaggerated. Now that he’s fake dating someone, I don’t think it would be a problem. Besides, I can make sure my partner doesn’t write anything malicious.”

“Thanks, Bin, but I really don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Your project, your decision.” Hongbin shrugged. It really was just a suggestion to get more ticket sales but he wouldn’t push it. “Anyway, I’d pitch the idea to my boss on Monday. It might take a while before it reaches the CEO though.” He was starting to pack up, putting his tumbler back into his bag and quickly running over his notes. He seemed very much interested in the project, but Hakyeon couldn’t help but feel like he was feeling a bit down. The oncoming meeting with his dad probably bothered him.

“Thanks. Let me know how it goes.” Hakyeon said as they stood up. He wanted to at least keep Hongbin company if only for a few minutes longer. “I’ll walk you out the building,”

“It’s fine, hyung. Go back to sleep. Sorry again for coming so early.”

“I-”

Before he could say anything else, Hongbin raised a hand to ruffle his still incredibly messy bed hair and then playfully pushed his face away. “You haven’t even washed your face.”

“Ahh…” It finally dawned on Hakyeon as he rubbed his eyes and tried to fix his hair with a hand.

“I’ll call you if I need more details,” Hongbin smiled at him as they walked towards the door.

“Bin…” Hakyeon called again as soon as Hongbin stepped out. “If you need anyone to talk to tonight, feel free to call me.”

Hongbin stared at him for a while. He appreciated Hakyeon’s attempt at comfort very much and it showed in the warmth in his eyes and smile. “I’ll see you around, hyung.”

  
  


Hongbin didn’t call that night, but Hakyeon sent him a text to check on him anyway. Unfortunately, he fell asleep too soon after sending the message and didn’t see the reply until next morning. He regretted it when he woke up and saw that Hongbin did ask if he could call but later retracted it and said everything was fine after Hakyeon did not reply.

His calls went unanswered the whole morning, much to his added worry. It wasn’t until after lunch that Hongbin finally sent him another text saying he was busy and didn’t have his phone. Hakyeon wasted no second to call again after seeing the text so they finally got to talk.

“There’s really nothing to worry about, hyung. I’m fine. I didn’t fight with my dad,” he assured Hakyeon through the phone.

“Then why did you want to call?”

“Beeeeeeecause I wanted to tell you to stop worrying, but obviously that had the opposite effect.” His voice sounded cheerful enough, but Hakyeon just had this feeling that he wasn’t as okay as he claimed to be. It was just like him to hide his feelings and try hard not to burden other people with his problems.

Still, Hakyeon couldn’t pry too much. He had learned to respect Hongbin’s decisions when to tell him things and when he didn’t want to. Just like with Sanghyuk, he could only tell them he would be there if they needed him.

They started chatting more often after that, mostly because Hakyeon made sure he didn’t let two days pass without texting Hongbin. It wasn’t that he treated Hongbin like a child who needed to be monitored. Hakyeon never even asked about family matters again. He just thought having someone to talk to about random daily things would help distract him from whatever it was that he wasn’t telling him. Sometimes, it would be him to text Hakyeon first, sending pictures of something funny or something that reminded him of Hakyeon.

It was a Wednesday, two weeks later, when Hongbin asked to meet again.

“Let me guess, that’s Hongbin,” Minhyuk wiggled his brows teasingly from across Hakyeon’s table.

“How did you know?” Hakyeon only spared him a glance before typing a response to Hongbin.

“Just a hunch,” he then winked.

Hakyeon just dismissed it. Minhyuk had been teasing him with just about everyone and even offered to arrange blind dates for him. It was like he was more eager for Hakyeon to date than Hakyeon himself. Many months have passed since his little fling with Jinki and despite Minhyuk's continued teasing, Hakyeon liked being single and didn't feel the need to date anyone any time soon. He also didn’t feel the need to clarify that Hongbin just wanted to talk about the charity project.

The good news was that Hongbin’s CEO picked his project and wanted to make an article out of it. The not-so-bad news was that they had to go for an ocular, conduct interviews and take photos - things which Hakyeon should have expected but it totally escaped his mind.

“I can take you there and help you with the interviews, the problem would be the photos,” he explained while they were having dinner in a tent restaurant near Hakyeon’s workplace.

“Why? That’s basically my whole job in this project.”

“Photos of the place and the teachers are fine. But not the kids. We don’t allow visitors to take their photos to post on social media or use on articles. We don’t want their faces out there to be branded as poor charity recipients, especially the abused children. When they performed onstage last year, they all wore masks."

“I see the point, but... “ Hongbin bit his lip. He was a photographer and taking photos was his job. “Hey, what if I take photos without showing their faces? Like, you know, just their backs while they’re playing or something like that. You can check and approve all the photos I take”

“Hmmm…I think that could work, but I’ll have to double-check with the principal.”

“If it’s not okay, I’ll be fine with just the teachers and the school, but I swear I could take good photos without exposing the kids.”

“Of course you could,” Hakyeon smiled. He knew Hongbin’s skills well enough to trust in his work so he was confident they could work around the policy. “I’ll check if we can go next weekend. They usually hold extra-curricular classes on Saturdays.”

“I should have known,” a deep voice suddenly spoke behind Hakyeon.

His first reaction was to turn around and look for the source of the voice. Second was to stiffen and gulp because he recognized the face from the photos Hongbin had shown him before. It took some time before he remembered to turn his head back to check on Hongbin, who by then was already wearing a stony expression on his face.

“When you said you were staying out late, I knew you were up to no good,” his words were directed at Hongbin but he gave Hakyeon a nasty look - one that did not escape the latter.

Still, Hakyeon chose to stand up and bow politely. “Hello, sir. Nice to meet you.”

“You said you’d be out for work.”

Hakyeon did not like being pointedly ignored, but he was more concerned with the way Hongbin was having a glaring contest with his father.

“I am. We’re talking about work. What are you even doing here?”

“I was nearby for  **actual** work,” his father replied. “If you don’t know what that means, it’s a proper business meeting in a decent restaurant. I passed by on my way home and saw you playing around in some shady tent.” 

“Sir, we really were talking about-”

Hakyeon’s words got caught in his throat as Hongbin’s father him another disgusted look. It prompted Hongbin to leave his seat and stand between them, making sure Hakyeon was well behind him and would not see any more of his father’s nasty expressions.

“If work is taking photos and flirting with a fag, I don’t know why I ever bothered doing business.”

Hakyeon didn’t have time to react at the insult because Hongbin suddenly yelled angrily. 

“Shut up, old man!” 

A few customers and the servers all paused to look at them, wondering what the commotion was about.

“Hongbin, calm down…” Even as he whispered calmly to Hongbin, Hakyeon’s blood was boiling - not just because he was insulted, but because of the way a father was treating his own son. In almost five years that he had known Hongbin, he could count how many times he had seen him lose temper with just a single hand. He really was one of the most patient and calmest persons Hakyeon ever knew. To watch him shouting at his dad in a very public place was both painful and terrifying.

“I don’t care what you think of me or my work. It’s not like I haven’t been eating your old school insults for breakfast for the past two weeks, right? But if you are as decent and proper as you claim to be, then leave my friends alone. Don’t cause a scene here.”

“Cause a scene?” He scoffed. “I’m not the one yelling like an idiot.”

“Maybe not, but you’re the one wearing a suit while acting like a pig. Since I’m just trash, I have nothing to lose,” Hongbin shrugged with a smug smile. “What would your business partners think if a classy businessman such as yourself gets into a fistfight with his own son in a place like this? That would make for a nice headline tomorrow.”

“You’re seriously threatening me?”

“Who? Me? Of course not!” Hongbin sniggered. “It is my job to write for dumb tabloids, remember?”

The man groaned and fixed his tie as he glared at both of them, but Hongbin blocked Hakyeon out of his sight.

“The only reason you can come home tonight is because of your mom,” he whispered angrily.

Hongbin stared back at him just as fiercely. “No. The only reason I’m willing to go back to that hellhole is mom.”

Hakyeon had never felt more relieved in his life than the moment Hongbin's father left. Breathing suddenly was so easy as they both sat on their chairs again.

“That was intense.”

"Sorry about that," Hongbin said apologetically.

"It's fine. I'm all right. Are you?"

A dimpled smile always looked pretty on Hongbin’s face, but the moment he starts faking it, it just looks pretty sinister. He said he was used to dealing with his dad by now, but Hakyeon just frowned at him.

“Being used to it doesn’t mean you’re all right. You just learned to live with it.”

“Same thing to me,” Hongbin shrugged. Suddenly, their remaining food was very interesting and he found his appetite again.

“You’ve moved back home?” Hakyeon watched worriedly as he started digging in, one dish after another. He didn’t answer Hakyeon’s question immediately. Instead, he called the store auntie to order drinks for both of them. Rootbeers - because he knew neither of them really liked drinking alcohol. As soon as it was served, Hongbin straight-up downed a can and hissed at the cold feeling of liquid on his throat.

“I moved back to my mom’s house. That place isn’t my home,” he said. “That’s just temporary though. I’m still keeping my own place.”

Hakyeon picked up his own can and took a few gulps to join. “Since her birthday?”

“Yeah, she asked me to come back for a bit. Said it was her birthday wish. She’s been quite sickly lately so I couldn’t refuse. I really wish I can take care of her better too”

“But your dad…”

“I just ignore him.”

“Hongbin…”

“Hyung, I’m fine… for real,” he smiled at Hakyeon, more warmly this time, despite the obvious gloomy mood. “I meant it when I said I don’t care what he thinks of me. Not anymore. Of course it’s sad because I used to look up to him when I was younger. But I really just got tired of trying to please him all the time. I was prepared for all of this when I decided to just fuck it and do whatever I wanted.”

“You say that but you still lost your shit earlier. I can’t believe you really threatened him.”

“That’s because he was coming at you.”

Hakyeon leaned back and stared at him. Well, it was one thing they had in common. Nothing stops them from protecting their friends at all cost.

“Now that you mentioned it… I feel like I’m wearing a big ‘Gay’ sign on my head with blaring pink neon lights,” Hakyeon tried to joke, though even he didn’t find it funny. “Your dad must have some highclass gaydar since he knew I’m gay with just a single look.”

“Please...” Hongbin rolled his eyes. “If he had such a thing, he should have sensed it when I first had a boyfriend back in highschool. I kept inviting him over to our house and we dated right under his nose.”

“Must have been fun.” Hakyeon chuckled, but he stared curiously at Hongbin. He contemplated whether to ask or not, but he tried to rack his brain and as far as he could remember, Hongbin’s father didn’t know they dated. He had never met the man in person and only saw him in Hongbin’s photographs.

Even though Hakyeon often whined why Hongbin never introduced him to his friends as his boyfriend, he was cautious about avoiding family topics because he understood that Hongbin hadn’t come out to his parents yet.

“When did he find out then?”

“After I shifted courses, he was so angry and seized my studio to convert it to an office space for rent. So… he saw your photos… We just broke up at the time, so I had tons of your photos in there,” he paused for a bit. They weren’t drinking alcohol and the place was well-ventilated, so there really was no reason for his face to get red, but there he was, blushing as he avoided Hakyeon’s gaze.

“Ohmygod, I hope that doesn’t include the ones from our hot spring vacation.” Hakyeon fanned himself and grabbed his still half-full can of rootbeer for a drink.

“No! God no! I think the lone photo of you on my desk with a love note was enough for him to figure it out, but there was also a whole pile of just your photos in there. So I wasn’t just a disobedient son who refused to take over his father’s business. I was also the disgusting gay son.”

“You’re bi, though? You still like girls, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but he wouldn’t know the difference. He just knew I dated guys and having dated girls didn’t change how he looked at me.”

Hakyeon sighed. His parents were very accepting of him from the start so it really saddened him to hear of cases like Hongbin’s father.

“Ahhh,” Hongbin’s eyes glistened as he remembered something. “I think I did have photos of you kissing me on the cheek or something back there.”

Hakyeon suddenly chuckled. “ I guess it’s a good thing that’s all he saw?”

And finally, he heard Hongbin’s genuine laughter again. “You didn’t think I’d keep those hot spring photos where people would easily see them, did you?”

“Well I don’t know. He could have broken your drawers or something!”

“I never printed those in the first place! I just kept a softcopy which by the way I think was corrupted when I got a virus on my computer.”

Hakyeon gasped exaggeratedly. “Shame! That was some tasteful art that went to waste.”

“Your definition of art can be really questionable sometimes,” Hongbin giggled.

The argument with his father was forgotten soon after they started making fun of their own history. They did so many dumb things together that they couldn’t help laughing at themselves now that they remembered. Eventually, they also talked about other dumb things they did with their friends. Hongbin and Wonshik had lots of misadventures during highschool, since Hongbin was very subtly mischievous and Wonshik was the one who always got blamed for his pranks.

The night passed quickly while they shared fun stories and soon, they had to go home - at least for Hakyeon, he was going home.

“Don’t give me that look,” Hongbin rolled his eyes when he noticed Hakyeon was looking at him sympathetically. “I’m happy to see my mom every day, so living there for a while isn’t so bad.”

Hakyeon pursed a smile and nodded. “Okay. Just hit me up if you need-”

“Anything, I know, hyung, seriously!” Hongbin snorted. “I’ll call you if anything happens.”

“Good.”

They were going different directions so they parted ways at the subway station. Hakyeon hasn’t taken ten steps away when his phone rang though. It was a call from Hongbin.

He turned back to see Hongbin, phone on his ear while continuously walking without turning back at Hakyeon.

“Hongbin, what-”

“I forgot to remind you about the project. Tell me asap if we can go next week so I can give my partner a heads up.”

“Oh, okay. I can still see you, you know? You could have just shouted for me.”

“I’ve yelled enough today. Besides,” he paused, his steps also halting, but he still didn’t look back at Hakyeon. “I wanted to thank you, hyung. For everything.”

Hakyeon chuckled. “You think it’s too cheesy for you to say it in person, don’t you?”

“Yeah, very.”

Hongbin visibly and audibly cringed at himself before he continued walking. Hakyeon just laughed.

“I’ll see you next week, Bin.”

“Yeah. See you, hyung.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is willing to teach me how to write non-cringy fluff, my twt and kkt are open lol
> 
> Please look forward to the next chapter!
> 
> PPS. my fics are usually unbeta'd. If you see any errors. please do let me know


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hakyeon and Hongbin goes out of town for work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I need to raise the rating for this chapter but do be mindful of the last part if you're not up to reading sensual scenes.
> 
> Special thanks to @liesandjintrigue for the love, support, and ideas uwu

It was 5 am on Saturday morning when Hongbin met Hakyeon at the bus terminal. The sun was yet to rise and there was a slight drizzle outside that almost got Hakyeon late for their bus.

“I hope it’s not raining in Changwon,” Hongbin muttered worriedly as they boarded. “It would be nice to get photos of kids playing under the sun.”

“It’s not,” Hakyeon smiled. “I checked the weather forecast. It should be quite sunny there so don’t worry.” He pulled out a pack of clubhouse sandwiches after they settled on their seats and then handed one to Hongbin.

Hongbin squinted at the pink table napkin wrap before eyeing Hakyeon suspiciously. “You made this?”

“It’s not poisonous.” Hakyeon frowned which Hongbin returned with a soft laughter.

“I think I’ll only know after I eat it.”

“If you don’t want it, just-” Hakyeon reached to grab the sandwich back but Hongbin lifted it up and away from him.

“I was kidding. I’ll take it as long as it’s edible.”

The pout on Hakyeon’s lips didn’t go away but he let Hongbin eat the sandwich in peace and handed him bottled water as well. They talked for a while after eating. Hongbin's writer partner was suddenly dispatched to cover a two-day event so he’d just record the interviews and hand it over afterwards. Hakyeon, on the other hand, was excited to go back and kept talking about his favorite pupils from the foundation. Around half-way through the four-hour ride, they both dozed off, with Hakyeon leaning against the window and Hongbin facing the other side.

Despite his excitement, Hakyeon’s dream was unexpectedly sad. Memories of being alone in his apartment, the feeling of being lost and insecure came back to him. Flashes of Wongeun’s last visit to him also made it to his somber dream. When he opened his eyes again, Hongbin was holding his wrist, waking him up.

“We’re here. Are you okay?”

Hakyeon blinked a few times before realizing his cheeks felt a little sticky with tears. He quickly wiped his face and smiled at Hongbin. “Yeah.”

“Hyung, if you’re not comfortable coming back, I can do this alone,” Hongbin said, still watching him worriedly.

“No, I’d love to visit the foundation. We’re already here anyway. I probably just had a strange dream. Look, I already forgot what it was about.” Truthfully, Hakyeon could vaguely remember, he just didn’t want to think about it too much. 

So he wore his usual smile. The mask wasn’t as heavy as it used to be when he was still teaching there. Hakyeon had learned to love teaching, his students, and more importantly, love himself a little more. He had found comfort about where he was at life and felt less pressure about what direction he was going. Occasionally, the hollow feeling would come back to him, but he learned to deal with it until it goes away again. Thanks to his friends, things got much easier and he didn’t feel so alone anymore. The tiny hand on his shoulder gave him an added comfort as they walked into the school grounds as well.

Hakyeon first took Hongbin to the faculty office where he used to have his desk. A few of his former co-teachers greeted them there. The office was quite simple, with wooden chairs and tables handmade exactly for the number of teachers employed. Hongbin could tell the teachers’ lifestyles were quite simple too.

“We don’t earn much from here,” Hakyeon told him when they were walking down the hallway. “We came here knowing the salary was minimum and most of us got by with getting side jobs.”

Hongbin smiled as he stared at him curiously. “You talk as if you still work here.”

“Oh,” Hakyeon scratched his head. “Out of habit, I guess?”

They made a turn at the end of the hallway to the principal's office. He introduced Hongbin to the principal and they proceeded with his interview while Hakyeon watched and listened for a while. When he felt like he wasn’t needed anymore, he excused himself to walk around the halls.

Some of the kids were at the nearby playground so he decided to just sit around and watch them play. There were lots of faces he didn’t recognize, probably new pupils. 

Someone did recognize him though - a little girl with a big white ribbon on her bobcat hair. She yelled excitedly as she saw Hakyeon and ran towards him. 

Hakyeon had to take a step back to steady himself when she crashed onto him. He smiled and greeted her warmly as he knelt down so he was at her eye level. Only then did his other former pupils saw him too and gathered around him. Hakyeon swore he could have cried. He liked teaching older students but nothing could beat the love and warmth from the children. They did not hold back on saying they missed him and Hakyeon missed them too.

He played with them for a while before he decided he didn’t have much energy to run around so he just sat on the ground and started building sand castles like he used to. A few kids stayed with him, but most of them went on to play chase or ran to the slides.

It took some time before he realized that Hongbin had also been outside for a while already, but instead of walking towards Hakyeon, he went around the playground and took pictures from different angles. When he finally approached Hakyeon, he was left alone with a single kid on his lap. 

“You’re done?” Hakyeon asked. 

“Yep.”

“Ssaem,” the little girl with a white ribbon tugged on Hakyeon’s shirt as she looked inquisitively at Hongbin.

“Oh, this is Hongbin,” Hakyeon introduced him. “He’s here to take pictures and play with you.”

“I’m not sure about playing,” Hongbin mumbled as he sat next to Hakyeon, camera hanging around his neck.

“Is he your new boyfriend?”

“New what-?” Hakyeon’s eyes widened as he turned to her.

She stood up to whisper to his ear, albeit still quite loudly that Hongbin could hear her clearly. “Weren’t you dating Jinki oppa?”

“WHAT?!” Hakyeon held her by the shoulders and leaned back to stare at her, dumbfounded. “How - What- Where did you even get that?!”

She leaned towards his ear to whisper again, her soft little hand covering her mouth and still, it was loud enough for Hongbin to hear.

“I saw him pull you behind the curtains during the concert.”

“Omygod!” Hakyeon gasped. “Omygod, omygod, omygod!”

Hongbin knew it was a very sensitive topic and could ruin someone’s career, but he just found it all so funny. Hakyeon’s face was bright red and Hongbin had never seen him so flustered. He tried his best not to laugh, but her response got him cackling over the ground.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t tell anyone. Because you were hiding so I thought it was a secret date. Wasn’t it?”

“YES!” Hakyeon almost yelled. “Yes, it’s a secret, dear angel. Please don’t ever tell anyone!” Hakyeon covered half of his tomato-red face with one hand. He wanted to disappear. “And god please forget what you saw. Erase it from you memory! Don’t ever think about it again. It was just a dream! A bad dream! I am so sorry you saw that!”

“Why is it bad? Doesn’t dating mean love? My grandma said it was bad for boys to love each other but isn’t it good to love someone?”

“I…” Hakyeon was at a loss for words. How was he even supposed to explain such things to a child?

Hongbin was still struggling to stop his laughter, but he straightened up and leaned close to her.

“It’s bad because they were working at the time, right? Professionals only think of work during work time. Ssaem was wrong and Jinki oppa’s fans will also get angry if they find out.”

She nodded slowly while taking in all of Hongbin’s words sincerely.

“But you know ssaem is not a bad person, right?”

“Ssaem is the kindest!” She replied with a bright smile. Then she looked at Hongbin curiously. “Are you dating Ssaem now?”

“No, I’m just here to work.”

He patted her head and told her to go play with his friends, which she did, but not without hugging Hakyeon again and telling him his secret was safe.

“Don’t date while working, ssaem!” She giggled as she shyly glanced at Hongbin.

As soon as she was gone, Hongbin started chuckling again while Hakyeon glared at him.

“Stop laughing!”

“Behind the curtains? Really, hyung?”

“Jinki pulled me! ” Hakyeon hissed as he hit Hongbin’s arm with full force that the latter tumbled over the sandcastle, making the side collapse.

“Now look what you’ve done!” 

“I wasn’t the one who pushed! Or made out backstage.”

“Shut up! We didn’t make out! It was just a really brief talk!!!” He continued hitting Hongbin’s arm, face and ears still flushed. “And one quick kiss,” he mumbled almost inaudibly but Hongbin just laughed louder.

“Good old Cha Hakyeon could really do unexpected things sometimes.”

“Shut up!”

Hongbin finally managed to repress his laughter, heaving a few times before just smiling and pulling his camera strap over his head to browse through the photos. “Hey,  _ Ssaem, _ ” he playfully called, imitating the way the children called Hakyeon. He showed some of the photos, mostly the backs of the children or purposely blurred photos while they were running around, and then a few of Hakyeon with them.

“I won’t submit the ones with their faces showing but I thought you would want a copy.”

“Yes, please,” Hakyeon smiled. 

Since Hongbin was done taking photos, they left the school to have lunch in a nearby restaurant. The clouds started to darken outside while they ate but the rain did not start to fall until late afternoon when they were touring around Hakyeon’s favorite places in town.

"Whoa. I thought it was supposed to be sunny today?! Should we head back now?" Hakyeon asked after they ran for cover towards the nearest convenience store. "The terminal is one ride away from here."

Hongbin just stared at the rain, almost as if he was spacing out.

"Bin?"

"Can we stay? I want to take more photos of the town."

"For the article?"

"No. Just for me."

"You don't wanna go home?" Hakyeon stared at him, noting some traces of anguish on his face. "Did you fight with your dad again?"

"He's not the reason. The rain makes for good melancholic pictures. And if it stops tomorrow, we can go to more places." He took off his backpack and handed it to Hakyeon, then he stepped out of the store's extended roof. Crouching down, he held his camera to his face and took a picture of the adjacent park. 

"You'll catch a cold," Hakyeon said. "Won't your camera get wet?"

"It's waterproof," Hongbin smirked as he checked how the photo turned out. "And I always bring extra clothes when I work."

Hakyeon sighed as he hugged Hongbin's bag. "I didn't bring any." He peeked inside the convenience store to see if there was anything he could buy, but they didn't usually have clothes there. Still, he went inside, telling Hongbin to wait under the shed while he bought umbrellas for both of them. Fortunately, the store had some underwear he could use for the night.

~

Maybe they got too comfortable with each other. Maybe Hakyeon thought Hongbin, like Taekwoon, was just like a brother to him now that they have fully moved on from their past relationship. They have talked and laughed about their past quite a number of times already and they knew they didn't have to be conscious of each other. Not anymore.

Hakyeon realized maybe they were both mistaken when they booked one twin room in a local hostel and Hongbin stepped out of the bathroom with nothing but a bath towel draped around his waist. All of a sudden, he was all too aware of their past and how he had seen Hongbin  _ without  _ a towel before.

"Hyung, I'm done. You can wash up now," Hongbin casually walked towards his bed and only then pulled out some clothes from his bag.

It took a lot of effort for Hakyeon to not stare as he stood up. "Oh, Okay. I'll go ahead then." But as he started making his way to the bathroom, he felt conscious of the fact that he was just wearing his shirt and boxers, having freed his legs from the rain-drenched pant legs and socks as soon as they reached their room. Hongbin did the same and it wasn't really an issue until Hakyeon made it to be.

"Hyung!" Hongbin suddenly called, making Hakyeon stop on his tracks and even more conscious of himself.

"Yes?" He barely turned to face him, but before he knew it, Hongbin was right beside him already, still very much naked. He could smell the fragrance of the same body soap that Hongbin always used from way back. 

"You can use this," Hongbin handed him a shirt. "That's probably big on you but since you weren't able to buy a shirt earlier, you can sleep on that."

Great. Now he was going to sleep in Hongbin's clothes, too? "H-how many extra clothes do you even have?"

"Just this. I can sleep on my sweater instead." 

"Okay. If you're comfortable with that," As Hakyeon avoided meeting Hongbin's eyes, he accidentally, regrettably, turned his gaze down to his chest and towards the toned abdomen instead. He mentally cursed himself. His whole face felt hot and he could feel his own pulse racing. "I… I'm gonna go. Thanks, Bin!"

He grabbed the shirt, hurriedly turned and almost ran to the bathroom. As soon as he locked the door, he repeatedly hit his head lightly against the doorframe, still cursing himself for being so flustered just seeing Hongbin naked. It had been years since they last spent the night together and Hakyeon thought he wouldn't feel anything anymore. 

It was just a dumb moment. That's what he told himself while taking a shower. He was just a little surprised by the situation.

When he got out, Hongbin was already fully dressed - in a black hoodie sweater and basketball shorts. He looked up at Hakyeon once and apologized that he didn't have a spare pair of shorts. It must have been really inconvenient that he suddenly just decided not to go back for the night.

"It's fine," Hakyeon said. The impromptu overnight wasn't really the problem. It was Hakyeon's dumb brain thinking weird things about his good friend. 

Although to be fair, it seemed like it wasn't just him anymore. Hakyeon wasn't sure if he was just putting strange meanings into things but he definitely caught Hongbin staring while he was drying his hair. Specifically, he was biting his lower lip while staring at Hakyeon's neck, tho he was quick to look away when he realized Hakyeon had noticed him.

Right. Hongbin used to like sucking and biting on his neck.

Hakyeon gulped. It really was dangerous for him to remember all those things. He quickly finished drying his hair and then settled on his bed, tucking himself neatly under the duvet, hoping to rest his mind and just sleep.

Except.

It was too early to sleep, and despite the exhaustion from the day, he just didn't feel sleepy at all. His thumping heartbeat was harder to ignore when lying down, so he sat up again, deciding to turn on the TV instead.

Normally, the silence between them would have been comfortable. They could hang out at a cafe or at Hongbin's place and just sit together doing their own thing, only occasionally talking to each other. This was different. This was awkward. Probably even more awkward than when they just broke up.

The night went agonizingly slow. Hongbin occupied himself with his photos (for the Nth time), commenting on the kids every now and then so they had something to talk about for a little while. 

Hakyeon barely found anything interesting to watch on the TV but he at least managed to stop himself from looking at Hongbin from time to time. The only time he looked his way again was to check on the fridge which was at Hongbin's side of the room.

"Do we have comp water?" Hakyeon asked.

"I think so, yeah."

Hakyeon contemplated whether to get up from bed, not wanting to walk across the room just wearing Hongbin's shirt and the thin boxers he bought from the convenience store earlier. 

_ But he was thirsty. _

So in the end, he got up with a sigh and walked towards the fridge to get a bottle of water. He probably should have just taken the bottle back to his bed instead of drinking from it right then and there in front of the fridge and indeliberately making a show of his neck as he took a few gulps.

"I think the rain has stopped. I'm gonna go out for a walk," Hongbin suddenly said. The blush on his face was hard to ignore as he got up from his bed and hurriedly prepared to leave.

Hakyeon barely had time to tell him to bring an umbrella anyway before Hongbin was already out the door.

Okay. That officially made it the most awkward night that they ever spent together.

Hakyeon sighed. If it was just him who felt that way, he would have felt guilty but it would have been easier to ignore. But because he knew he also had this effect on Hongbin, enough to make him leave the room flustered, Hakyeon couldn't help but wonder what would happen if they both gave in.

**_I don't ever want to not be friends with you again._ **

What Hongbin said to him some weeks ago suddenly played repeatedly inside Hakyeon's head as he lay back on his bed again. Their current relationship wasn't something he would want to ruin over a single night's impulse. Hongbin was his friend and not a fuck buddy.

Still, Hakyeon couldn't completely take the thought out of his mind and it wouldn't let him rest either.

When Hongbin came back about an hour later, Hakyeon was still awake, sitting on his bed and hugging his knees under the duvet.

"You're still up," Hongbin paused by the door as he took his shoes off and stared at Hakyeon. This time, it didn't seem like he had plans of looking away anytime soon.

"Y-yeah." There was a lump in Hakyeon's throat and he suddenly found it a little difficult to breathe again. He leaned back on the headboard and stared back at Hongbin, unconsciously spreading his legs under the blanket.

The action didn't go unnoticed and Hongbin visibly tensed up too. He hadn't moved an inch from the door and it made Hakyeon wonder if he was scaring his friend off.

He closed his legs quickly, "That wasn't - " Hakyeon tried to explain but Hongbin cut him off.

"Hyung," he took one step in and paused again. "We're friends, aren't we?"

"Yes," Hakyeon mumbled, ashamed of his own dirty thoughts. "Good friends," he said louder.

"So…" Hongbin's voice was a little shaky. His hands rested on his sides but his fingers were fidgeting nervously. "We'll still be friends tomorrow, right?"

For a second, Hakyeon thought he may be misinterpreting things. He tilted his head to the side, still not breaking eye contact with Hongbin but squinting a little to discern what he was really trying to say.

"Yes, absolutely."

"So do you… Uhhh…" If Hongbin had been flustered before he left, it was nothing compared to the redness of his face down to his neck as he took another step towards Hakyeon's bed. "Only for tonight… Totally just for tonight…"

"Yes," Hakyeon replied in a husky whisper. He pushed his blanket down and slowly pulled his legs out, letting them hang over the edge of the bed instead.

That was really all it took for Hongbin to cross the remaining distance to Hakyeon's bed. He dipped a knee onto the mattress, right beside Hakyeon's hip, and then stared down at him.

"This is probably a mistake." And yet he slipped a hand behind Hakyeon's neck and rubbed his thumb behind his ear.

Hakyeon's breath hitched. That spot behind his ear had always been sensitive and Hongbin knew it. He straightened up, stretched his neck and leaned forward as he reached for the broad shoulders in front of him to pull for a kiss.

Hongbin easily let himself be pulled, closing his eyes and opening his mouth. The kiss started out a little chaste despite the tension they had endured for hours. Both of them were still hesitant to actually cross the line, but as soon as Hakyeon let out a low moan, Hongbin lost it and climbed up the bed completely, trapping Hakyeon in between his legs. He let his other hand roam down, slipping under his own shirt to touch Hakyeon's heated skin.

When they pulled back, Hakyeon tipped his head sidewards to expose his neck better. As expected, Hongbin immediately nipped onto it and then licked the spot repeatedly.

Meanwhile, as Hakyeon fiddled with Hongbin's sweater, he felt a small box poking at the pocket. He looked down and pulled it out, realizing what it was.

Hongbin pulled back again and sat on Hakyeon's lap. "I…"

"Did you take a  _ walk _ to buy this?" Hakyeon raised a brow as he held the box of condom.

"No!" Hongbin shrieked defensively. "I really went for a walk to get some air… but I happened to come across a convenience store so…" He bit his lower lip as he met Hakyeon's gaze again. "I thought it wouldn't hurt to be prepared."

"Do you want me to?" Hakyeon asked, gently running a hand down Hongbin's cheek.

"I mean…" Hongbin shrugged. "If you want to, yes please."

With that, Hakyeon suddenly pushed him off to the side, flipping him on his back and straddling him by the waist, completely reversing their earlier position.

He heaved as he leaned down to kiss Hongbin again, but he paused midway. "We are so gonna regret this."

"We really would," Hongbin replied. His hands rested on Hakyeon's legs and he couldn't help but squeeze lightly. 

"Let's worry about it tomorrow?" The gap was getting smaller as Hakyeon slowly went closer, waiting for Hongbin to respond, just to make sure they were still on the same page.

"Yeah," Hongbin raised himself up to meet his lips halfway.

All worries pushed to the back of their heads, both of them just gave in completely. They would just deal with regrets when the sun rises.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing really changed. Except everything.

Hakyeon woke up when he heard a grunt behind him. He rubbed his eyes and turned to check the source of the sound. Sitting on the other bed was Hongbin, a hand gripping on his hair as he hissed at himself. He still had no shirt on and Hakyeon assumed there was also nothing underneath the blanket which pooled around his tiny waist if it was the first time he woke up since Hakyeon tucked him in.

“Shit,” Hakyeon cursed as he sat up too. Neither of them had been drunk but both felt like they had a really bad hangover. 

Hongbin obviously heard him and almost turned his head but then just buried his face in his hands. Embarrassed was an understatement. He had asked Hakyeon to do him hard only for him to pass out afterwards and wake up the next morning wondering why they’ve switched beds somehow.

“Binnie, you okay?” Hakyeon asked, his voice a little hoarse.

“Y-yeah… I think…” He still refused to look at Hakyeon. Instead, he looked around his bed, finding his clothes neatly folded on the bedside table. It seems Hakyeon cleaned up after he passed out. He could feel eyes watching him as he put his sweater on, but he hesitated moving any further to wear his underpants. That would mean getting off the bed and leaving the comfort of the blanket covering him. Trying to dress up under the sheets would be a little weird given that Hakyeon had already seen every bit of him the previous night (and it wasn’t even the first time.)

Hakyeon sighed. Unlike Hongbin, he wasn’t really embarrassed. It was more of guilt and regret. He felt really awkward because he knew it was nothing but a good fuck and a one-night stand was not really something he ever thought of doing with a friend. Jinki was basically a stranger when they started hooking up. Taekwoon, Hongbin, and Wongeun all became his boyfriends first before he slept with them. But now Hongbin was no longer his boyfriend. It took so long before they even managed to become good friends again after breakup so Hakyeon was afraid they ruined it all in a single night. “I’ll turn around if you wanna get dressed,” he offered.

“Err… If you don’t mind, please.” Hongbin replied, knowing how ridiculous it all sounded. He quickly grabbed his underpants and shorts as soon as Hakyeon faced the other direction, but then he tumbled off the bed and fell to the floor when the other suddenly turned around again. 

“Just kidding, that’s stupid.” Hakyeon felt bad but laughed anyway.

“Hyung! What the hell?!” Hongbin quickly pulled on the duvet to cover himself again but he didn’t bother getting up from the floor. Despite the discomfort, he couldn’t help but chuckle at his own silliness.

“Sorry. Did that hurt?”

“I’m fine. My ass already hurts anyway.” The awkward feeling doubled as the implication of his own words sank in. Hakyeon continued giggling but Hongbin looked away again, his ears redder than ever.

“Sorry, that’s my fault as well?” 

They never really openly talked about their sex lives even when they were dating because Hongbin always got easily embarrassed by it. But at the moment, Hakyeon thought teasing was the best way to get around the awkward air.

Hongbin rolled his eyes. “Stop it, hyung,” He turned his back on Hakyeon and tried to finish dressing up while still sitting on the floor and hiding from Hakyeon’s view. 

“You said we’ll still be friends today,” Hakyeon spoke again when Hongbin finished dressing up but still didn’t face him. There was a sinking feeling in his gut as Hongbin maneuvered himself on the floor, leaned his head against the bed facing away from Hakyeon, and just stared at the wall. “Hongbin…”

“I know, hyung.” he sighed. “And I am still your friend. Just… Just give me a moment.”

Hakyeon lay back down on his bed and sighed as well. At first he just stared at the ceiling, but then he turned on his side, tucking an arm under his pillow, the top of Hongbin’s head being all he could see from where he was. “Sorry about last night.”

That was probably the first time that Hakyeon ever apologized for sleeping with someone - which was weird since everything was clearly consensual. Something just felt weirdly wrong about what they did.

“Truthfully, I was excited to see the kids but I couldn’t say the same about this place. On our way here, I just remembered how sad and alone I felt while I was here, especially after breaking up with Wongeun… and I… I don’t know. Maybe I was trying to distract myself. Anyway, I wasn’t in the right mind.”

“It’s not your fault. I was the one who asked to do it.”

“I think I started acting weird first… so… ”

“Well, you did sniff me,” Hongbin snorted.

“I did not!” Hakyeon propped himself up a little, feeling a bit defensive. “I freakin breathed! It wasn’t my fault you smelled nice!” He sat up again. “Anyway, let’s stop thinking about who's at fault? I think it’s-”

“You were right, you know?”

“Huh?”

“I didn’t want to go back because of my dad.”

Hakyeon leaned forward. If it was up to him, he would transfer to the other bed and gently run his hand through Hongbin’s hair - the way he used to do when he knew Hongbin needed comfort. However, he decided to respect Hongbin’s space, seeing as the latter still couldn’t face him, Hakyeon just stayed where he was.

“Does he know you’re here with me right now?”

“No,” he sighed again, quite loudly. “I just told them that I was going to Changwon for work but he started talking crap again and managed to drag you into it. We didn’t fight because I ignored him but I guess it got to me.”

“Are you saying you slept with me because you wanted to spite him?”

“Partly yeah. it’s not like I’d go and flaunt to him that I’ve been doing the things he hates.” Hongbin finally turned. He crossed his arms over the bed and rested his head on them. He had this sad smile as he glanced at Hakyeon for a split-second. “I mean… Lending you my shirt was a mistake, but at the back of my mind, I thought I’d go for it just because he despises it.”

“What a rebel,” Hakyeon teased. “But Binnie…” He moved to the edge of the bed, a worried expression on his face. “You said you don’t care anymore what your father thinks. Obviously, that’s not the case. I appreciate that you’d always choose to stay friends with me rather than listen to his bull crap, but I don’t want to be the wedge that drives you further apart.”

“Don’t say that,” Hongbin frowned. “It’s not you. It’s him being a shitty person and I just can’t stand it. Anyway, my mom’s health is getting better so I might leave that house soon.”

“If it’s that toxic there that it pushes you to do things you normally wouldn’t do, then maybe it’s really best if you leave. I hope things get better either way.”

“Thanks, hyung,” Hongbin took a deep breath before finally getting up and transferring to sit on the bed, still barely looking at Hakyeon. “Anyway, I’m sorry. I know you would have held back last night if I didn’t ask for it.”

Hakyeon shrugged and smiled. “I think it’s safe to say we were both at fault. So please, let’s just get over this.” He went to check if his pants had dried and he could wear his previous day’s clothes again. Finally, he was going to change out of Hongbin’s shirt again.

“Wait,” He paused on his way to the bathroom. “You said it was because I was wearing your shirt?”

“You used to wear my shirts before…” A faint blush spread across Hongbin’s face again. “Only my shirt.”

“Ooooh,” Hakyeon was a little amused. “The boyfriend shirt look? I thought it was my neck.”

“Well, that too.” Hongbin lay back on his bed and faked a yawn, casually trying to cover his face. “Hyung, just go take a shower! Let’s talk about this another time. I’m just really embarrassed right now.”

“All right,” Hakyeon chuckled. “By the way, I don’t know if you noticed but I put the condom pack back in your sweater.”

Hongbin groaned and grabbed one of his pillows to throw it at Hakyeon, who ran to the bathroom laughing.

They had a pretty quiet morning. The sun was up high already when they went out so Hongbin was in a good mood to take more pictures. Hakyeon just followed him patiently, taking a few photos on his phone as well. It bothered him a lot that Hongbin didn’t look at him once the whole time but he stopped teasing and just hoped they’d get comfortable with each other again sooner or later. There were not many places left to visit though, so they decided they would leave after lunch. Hakyeon took them to a restaurant near his old apartment, where he used to buy his meals. The owner smiled warmly as they entered. It turned out he remembered Hakyeon and liked him quite a lot, so he even gave them extra dishes for free.

For the first time that day, Hakyeon noticed Hongbin staring at him strangely while they sat at their table. Of course, he quickly looked away as soon as Hakyeon caught him.

“What’s wrong?” 

Hongbin shook his head. “It’s just weird, seeing where you were and the people you met while we didn’t know what was happening to you.”

Hakyeon pursed his lips into a small smile. “Is it?”

“I think people just love you anywhere you go, so I wonder… even with all that, how did we manage to still make you feel… lonely?”

Hakyeon put his chopsticks down and licked his lips. He still didn’t know how to properly explain to people how he felt and why he left. His friends probably empathized up to a point, but they never completely understood.

“It wasn’t anyone else’s fault. It was entirely just me. I just felt lost and empty. I wasn’t like you. You’ve always known what you wanted to do and you were brave enough to fight for it even if your father wanted something else for you.”

“I wasn’t brave,” Hongbin glanced at him again just for a brief second. He no longer blushed when he met Hakyeon’s eyes, but it seemed like he was embarrassed for a totally different reason. “I was a coward and I wanted to run away. That was why I almost dropped out of uni. You brought me back and gave me the courage to keep going until I could stand on my own two feet. You’re the reason I’m happy with what I’m doing now. So I really wish we could have done the same for you.”

Hakyeon felt the warmth swelling up his chest. If Hongbin looked at him, he would have seen the tears that welled up in his eyes as well. He never thought he had such an impact on anyone’s life and it made him very happy to know so. 

“Thanks, Binnie,” he smiled. “You’ve done more than enough to help me. I’m really thankful you were the first person who found me when I came back.”

“Me too,” Hongbin smiled. “I’m glad I found you again.”

-=o0o=-

Time passed quickly while Hakyeon was busy with the final preparations for his project. Minhyuk helped him a lot, especially with arranging the time slots for all the performers and coordinating logistics for the event. They also had to watch over their students’ rehearsals closely and monitor the progress of other participating universities - which meant Hakyeon was also in constant touch with Sanghyuk, who was part of the performing boy groups.

Things were still slightly awkward between him and Hongbin. It really took a while before Hongbin started chatting with him again as often as they did before their trip. They never got the time to see each other again too so Hakyeon didn’t know if Hongbin could finally look him in the eyes and not feel awkward.

It was a week before the concert when Hakyeon finally asked if they could have lunch together on the weekend. Hongbin initially declined, but he sent a message the next day saying he was free for some afternoon snacks instead.

“Sorry, I’ve been busy lately,” Hongbin said when they finally met again.

“It’s all right, I’ve been busy myself,” Hakyeon smiled. “Although I was beginning to wonder if you never want to see me again.”

“That would never happen, hyung,” Hongbin twirled his cup of mocha latte on the table before taking a sip. He wasn’t particularly staring at Hakyeon but at least for the moment, it didn’t feel like he was particularly avoiding his eyes either. “Sorry if I worried you. I was the one who started it and said we’d still be friends but I acted all weird afterwards.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Hakyeon leaned forward, cupping his mug of hot chocolate in his hands. “We’re okay now, right?”

“Yeah,” Hongbin looked up at him with a pursed smile. His ears were red but he tried to hold his gaze. “I still need to stop regretting it but we’re okay. Definitely okay.”

“Good.”

It was definitely way better than the morning after they slept together. Hongbin talked more, looked at Hakyeon more often, though he never held his gaze long enough. They never really run out of things to talk about so a simple cafe hangout could last hours. By the end of the day, Hakyeon thought it still wasn’t exactly comfortable but they would get there, eventually.

  


Two nights before the D-day, Hakyeon and Minhyuk arranged for an ocular of the concert venue. Incidentally, Hongbin was also around the area so Hakyeon invited him to tag along, suggesting it might be good for him to familiarize himself with the place so he would know the best spots to take photos from. This time, it was almost as if nothing happened in Changwon, although Hakyeon wondered if that had something to do with Minhyuk’s presence.

"Ahh, finally in the flesh," Minhyuk smiled as held out a hand to Hongbin who hesitated to take it for a handshake but did so anyway. He also coupled the introduction with a polite bow since Minhyuk was older than him.

"I uhhh… heard so much about you."

"Likewise." 

At first, there was something about Minhyuk's smile that made Hongbin feel a little uneasy. Or maybe it was the way he stared as if there was a mischievous idea running in his head.

Meanwhile Hakyeon was cautiously observing, wondering if there was a chance his two friends would click together. He didn't really think they were each other's type but Minhyuk had always shown interest whenever Hakyeon mentioned Hongbin. Taken, he teased Hakyeon to date Hongbin quite often too.

Neither of them were difficult to get along with so it was no surprise that by the end of the ocular, they didn't mind going for dinner together. And by the end of their dinner, Hakyeon could tell he Hongbin found a new friend in Minhyuk. They found common interests in a few games they both played and both enjoyed sharing Hakyeon's dumb moments that the other didn't know. Hakyeon was pouting half of the night as his two friends enjoyed making fun of him.

Minhyuk parted ways with them afterwards as his house was on a different direction. That left Hongbin and Hakyeon walking together towards the bus stop. They haven’t gotten that far from the store tent when Hongbin suddenly stopped in his tracks.

“Is that-?”

He was staring across the road, where two tall guys, whom Hakyeon easily recognized as Sanghyuk and Taekwoon, were walking together. They were waiting for the light to turn green so they could cross to where Hakyeon and Hongbin were. It seemed like they were busy talking to each other that they still hadn’t noticed the other two. 

“I saw Sanghyuk this morning during rehearsal. He didn’t say anything about meeting Taekwoon tonight.” Hakyeon watched curiously as their friends continued chatting. He didn’t fail to notice Taekwoon’s friendly hand on Sanghyuk’s shoulder.

“It’s not like they need to report to you?”

“Oh Binnie… You don’t understand.” Hakyeon smiled. “Those two used to make me their freakin’ chaperon. They’d ask me to hang out with them just so they could go see each other and NOT call it a date.”

“So?” Hongbin asked cluelessly. “Aren’t you glad you’re done thirdwheeling?”

“I certainly am,” Hakyeon didn’t even bother hiding that glint of mischief in his smirk. “But I wonder why they don’t need me for an excuse anymore.”

“What do you - hey!” Before Hongbin could say another word, the light has turned green and Hakyeon started yelling and waving to get Taekwoon’s attention. Hongbin sighed, but he stood back and waited for their friends to finish crossing. Admittedly, he was just as curious as Hakyeon.

The incidental meeting was a pleasant surprise - at least for Taekwoon, it was. Sanghyuk didn’t seem to feel the same, if the way he visibly stiffened was any indication. Taekwoon had almost immediately let go of his shoulder in favor of approaching Hakyeon to give a friendly hug. He also gave Hongbin a quick hug before turning back to Hakyeon, whining about how they rarely see each other recently.

“Can’t help it, we’ve both been busy,” Hakyeon shrugged with a smile, but he threw a meaningful glance at Sanghyuk. “Where are you guys going?"

“We… uhhh…” Sanghyuk started, though looking unsure of what to say.

“Hyuk needed to buy something for the concert and asked for my help. We’re just grabbing some dinner before we go home.” Taekwoon finished for him.

“Aww,” Hakyeon cooed, dragging a hand down Taekwoon’s arm. “That’s sweet of you to help, Taekwoonie.” He very subtly withdrew the same hand when he noticed Sanghyuk frowning.

“Anyway, Hongbin and I already had dinner with Minhyuk and we were just on our way home. So now we’ll be leaving you guys.” Hakyeon smiled ever so warmly at Sanghyuk, despite the daggers the latter was shooting at him.

“You can come with us,” Taekwoon offered, holding Hakyeon’s hand. “We can just chat and catch up while the two of us are eating.”

Sanghyuk was glaring at their connected hands so hard that Hakyeon almost felt like his hand was burning. So he smoothly pulled away, opting to give Taekwoon’s shoulder a quick pat instead.

“We had a rather long day, didn’t we?”

“Yeah. I think we should go,” Hongbin seconded.

“I’ll see you both on Friday.” Hakyeon thought of hugging Taekwoon again, because that’s just how they usually part, but this time he thought twice about it and just waved them goodbye. Sanghyuk and Taekwoon headed towards the alley of restaurants where Hongbin and Hakyeon just came from. Meanwhile, the other two proceeded to the bus stop.

“I really don’t get Sanghyuk,” Hakyeon whined. “Judging from how they both acted just now, they’re still not dating. Meaning Sanghyuk still hasn’t come around. I’ll obviously support him and Taekwoon if he’d just get his act together and admit how he feels but he always looks at me like I’ll snatch Taekwoon away from him.”

“I don’t think he even realizes how much he’s glaring at you, to be honest.” Hongbin chuckled. “But I kind of understand where he’s coming from. You and Taekwoon-hyung have this history that he can’t ever compete with.”

“I’m not competing with him,” Hakyeon pouted. “Look, if it was Taekwoon who came with me to Changwon, I’m 100% sure we could have gone to bed easily without anything happening. That’s how platonic we are. In fact, it's almost filial. When I think about it, I could have slept with any of my other exes that night, except Taekwoon."

“Oooookay…” Hongbin raised a brow. “I’m not sure how I’m supposed to take that.”

“Oh,” Hakyeon gasped. “I didn’t mean anything about you. I mean…”

A soft laughter escaped Hongbin’s lips as they reached the bus stop. “Nevermind, I get it. It’s just a little weird to hear.”

Hakyeon smiled, but a curious question crossed his mind. He hesitated asking, but seeing the bus schedule on the boards, his bus was not coming in the next 10 minutes. There was also no one else waiting at the bus stop, so...

“Would you have done it? With anyone else? If it was to spite your father… I mean…”

“Woah, we’re suddenly talking seriously about this?” Hongbin scratched the back of his head. He fixed his gaze on the schedule board, trying to avoid Hakyeon’s eyes again. There was a hint of redness on his ears but he was not as flushed as he used to get in the first few days after their little incident.

“Sorry. It’s fine. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“I don’t think I could have,” Hongbin suddenly replied. “With my exes, at least, I couldn’t have done it. It’s not like I’m still holding a grudge against them, but I would never again sleep with any of them.”

“Woah, I kind of feel special,” Hakyeon teased, hoping to make up for the sudden drop of the atmosphere. “I’m always your exception and I’m also Sanghyuk’s gravest threat to Taekwoon. I’m relieved to know my exes think that nicely of me,” he chuckled.

Hongbin rolled his eyes again but he couldn’t help the tiny smile creeping up his lips. Just in time, his bus arrived, so he bid goodbye to Hakyeon rather abruptly. It took a few more minutes before Hakyeon's bus arrived, and when it did, he boarded it with an echoing thought in his mind. 

He was Hongbin’s exception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized this fic has gained more attention than I thought it would. Thank you to those who keep reading despite the slow updates and unusual plot hehe
> 
> Btw if anyone wants to discuss with me off comments, I also have a curiouscat https://curiouscat.me/loveseek630


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